Every year while watching the Oscars I think:
“The men have it so easy!”
Every woman who comes down that carpet is picked apart from her dress to her makeup to her hair to her shoes to her handbag. It must be a horribly intimidating thing to do, to dress for a Red Carpet. But for men, you go to Armani, throw on a tux, comb your hair and hop in the limo. It would seem simple and straightforward. And for men like Will Smith and James Franco, it was just that easy.
Yet every year there are some fashion disaster men. How do they do it? How do you stand in front of a rack of basically the same outfits and find the one that will make you look like a crazy man? Some just have the gift…
Phillip Seymour Hoffman (or, Seymour Phillip Hoffman if you take it from Sir Ben Kingsley) lost the war with his choice of a knit cap for the evenings festivities. Although, considering what his hair usually looks like, this might have been a blessing.
Christopher Walken was wearing your standard tux, and would have looked fine if he had paid just a little more attention to his bow tie. The way it was off center and turned up on one end made me giggle wondering when it was going to start spinning in a circle. It was like that when he presented, hopefully someone took pity on him and fixed it sometime later.
Bill Maher, a man quick with words, felt that looking like a disco battle ship would be the best look for the evening. He was wrong, oh so terribly wrong! The super sheen gun metal grey with black piping was distracting at best. Maybe he wanted people not to notice his “our silly little gods” comment. I see his inbox crashing from hate mail.
Usually I give the non famous people a little slack when they show fashion palsy. After all, they have no stylist, and perhaps no friend that will say to them “No. You look ridiculous.” But this year an exception must be made for Anthony Dodd Mantle, winner for Cinematographer. His coat was at least one size too small. It barely covered his Gap Oxford. To move the eye away from his ill fitting suit, he wore a pocket square that looked a little too much like a melted Muppet for the comfort of those who like Muppets. No one stands in the mirror wearing that and says “Yes. I look great!” Just a tip, when the whole world is watching you don’t want to be the git remembered for not ironing his jacket.
Sean Penn came close to pulling off the all black ensemble. So close. The tux was fine, with the exception of the whisper thin cummerbund. But the black shirt came off flat and too casual for the most formal occasion of the year. Button your collar you schlub! He always looks put upon to be there. Robin: “Honey, the limo is here! Aren’t you ready yet?” Sean:”Do I have to go?” Robin: “We are in the front row!!” Sean: “Alright, I’ll throw something on, but you can’t make me like it!”
And then there is Mickey Rourke. Oh Mickey, you were so fine. It used to be that his failed facelift caused gapers delay…no one could even remember what he was wearing. But when you are the favorite to win, you should pretend you care, and have an ounce of common sense. Saturday Night Fever called…they are missing Travolta’s stunt double. There was so much wrong about the outfit I thought I would actually comment on what was good about it. I can find nothing. Most annoying is the wallet chain. In a room full of people that make vastly bigger coin than you, are you seriously worried someone is going to lift your wallet?
So perhaps throwing on a tux takes more effort than we like to believe.
The Blahg 