You Won! Now Go Home.

Apparently making beautifully executed, perfectly inspired, gorgeous clothing isn’t enough to get you past the judges.

Why did they even bother having a challenge this week?  Once they got rid of Logan they knew exactly which of the five remaining designers was going to make it to Fashion Week.  Why go through the charade of having them compete in one last challenge?  Because if you looked at just what went down the runway last night…not at their bodies of work…then the wrong people are going to New York this season.

They went to the Getty Center in LA, which apparently is filled with beds and fountains and paintings and whatnot.  It was meant to be inspirational.  Okay, sure.  I get it.  They do this a lot for the last challenge.  That way everyone plays to their own strengths.  No one gets sent home for not being good at pants (which they obviously all suck at cause we’ve seen, like 2 pair).

They walked around with their models (totally unnecessary) and then sketched something and went to Mood for the last time.  Bye Mood.

In the workroom Tim dolled out his usual pithy advice.

Then it was time for the runway.

 

 

 

 

 

I have intentionally left names off of designs, so that you can just look at the designs and decide which one you like, without prejudice (something the judges had in spades last night).

I will start by talking about my favorite:  Gordana’s…

 

 

 

Gordana had the most beautiful dress yesterday…and I am sick to death of dresses by this point.  It was easy to see the Monet painting it was inspired by flowing through the amazing detail.  It flowed down the runway just like you would imagine a Monet would.  The worst they had to say about it was that they didn’t like the zipper.  The zipper.  Really.

 

This may be my favorite design OF THE SEASON.  But they gave her a “you didn’t take any risks with this” bullshit and sent her home.

WTF!!!!!

Didn’t take a risk?  You have sent every designer that took a risk home until today!  This was FUCKING GORGEOUS!  But they had obviously decided that she wasn’t going to fashion week no matter what she pulled out of her sewing basket.

Farewell, Gordana.  You weren’t my favorite, but if they were just judging yesterday’s challenge, you would have won a spot at Bryant Park.  I wish you great success, and if you don’t have anything better to do with that dress, feel free to send it my way.  I have a wedding this summer…

Now let’s look at my least favorite:

Althea

 

Oh Geez…really?

Inspiration:  the architecture of the actual building.

She wanted to do something architectural.  Yeah.  Missed the mark completely.

The skirt is a freak show.  A hot tranny mess to quote a quotable former contestant.  The fabric puckered all over the place when she tried to pleat, fold, oragami or whatever the crap she thought she was doing to the skirt.  When I think architecture, I think of last years winner, Leanne

Yeah, now you see just how crappy Althea’s is, don’t you?

The shirt was nonexistent…give my boys a pair of scissors and some sheer fabric and they could come up with that.

I just can’t even describe how much I HATE this look.  The judges were “disappointed”  because of “execution” issues.  But, guess what, we’ve decided that you get to go through anyway.  ASSHOLES!

She only barely beat out Irena for the bottom spot in my estimation.

Irena

 

SHUDDER

Maude!…oh Maude…your dress is right over here…

Inspiration:  Diophanis ladies draped in gauze.  dripping with sarcasm Yeah, oh yeah I see that.  NOT!

I can’t imagine who this would be flattering on, since it makes the MODEL look dowdy and shapeless.  The neckline is nice, and the back was interesting in a J-Lo slutty kind of way.

The color was…well it was what it was.

The skirt looks like she is getting ready for a square dancing competition.

And, Irena, you don’t have to put a sash/belt on everything you make.  Though in this case, it kept it from looking like a christmas tree halloween costume.

Retching noises.

But when you design something that makes a 100 pound model (okay, 100 pounds wet model) look frumpy, you suck.

From the bottom back to the top.  I loved this design:

 

It wasn’t everyone’s favorite.  But I love the fact that it was inspired by a stone fountain.  A building full of art and the designer is inspired by a fountain.  My kind of designer.

It is uber-flattering.  Most women don’t like to wear corset designs because they are a little uncomfortable.  But, girlfriends, done right they are extremely slimming.  And this one pulls it off just right with the little ribbon belt in the middle.

It isn’t without issues.  I agreed with the judges that the fabric for the skirt was a little stiff.  But then, if you think about it, it was inspired BY A STONE FOUNTAIN!  Ugh.  They weren’t even pretending to judge this challenge.  I would have sent the designer of this look to Fashion week.  And that statement about kills me because the designer is, wait for it…CHRISTOPHER!

Yes, Christopher opened up the waterworks again, and used some for his inspiration.

The top was great…kind of what I think Althea wanted to do but flaked out on.  The flowy top incorporated the water and the algae (boy did he have a hard on for the algae) into the design.  The algae showed up again in the hand painting on the skirt (which I think he didn’t need, but he just had to bring in more algae.  Is that like fashion designer cowbell?)

Good job, Christopher.  Now go home.

Last but not least was the middle of the pack and another f*%&ing pretty dress:

Carol Hannah

 

Yeah, yeah, yeah.  Seen this a THOUSAND times before.  Don’t exactly see how this related to the Louis XIV silver-draped bed that was her inspiration, but obviously having anything to do with your inspiration didn’t matter much to the judges.

Carol Hannah does this well.  And she does it over and over and over and over.  Expect 12 pretty dresses at fashion week.

Would it kill someone to make a f*%&ing pair of pants!

So Carol makes it through.  Yawn.

That is the problem with this whole season.  YAWN.