Dear Deborah Lautner

Mrs. Lautner,

I can’t imagine what you must be going through.

All of us are having a lot of fun, giggling about your son’s physique, enjoying his screen time in the New Moon movie.  We crack jokes about 17 being the age of legal consent in our state, and look up shirtless pictures of him on the internet.

He should be proud of his body.  Lord knows he worked hard enough for it.  And he did so under an extreme amount of pressure.  It shows a maturity and discipline that few boys his age posses.

From the few interviews I have seen with him, he seems polite, humble, and as normal as a boy in his situation can be.  A hearty congratulations to you for raising such a well balanced young man.

But as proud as you must be,  you must also be more than a little freaked out by the scope of lust surrounding him.

Sure, it’s cute when the little 12 year old girls want his autograph.  How sweet that one of his 15 year old fans asks him to her Homecoming dance.  But as you continue to go up the ladder, it gets creepier and creepier.  Grown women talking about licking food off his chest.  Forty year olds asking him to sign their “team Jacob” underwear.  Eeewww.

I am firmly team Jacob and I have to say that it is getting out of control.

After all, that’s your baby up there.  The little guy who used to spit up on your shoulder, who filled your days with private joys and heartaches.  Someone so special and unique that your heart bursts just looking at him.

I know about those feelings because I am the mother of three boys.  Looking at them after seeing a lust filled website about your son makes me queasy.  For all his maturity, he is just a boy.  A boy that will break hearts and have his broken.  A boy with a million things left to discover about life, and work, and fame, and privacy, and compromise, and all the things that we think we know so much about at 17 but are really we don’t have any clue.

And right now, that means dealing with legions of women old enough to be his mother having impure thoughts about him.  Again…Eeewww.

So, as one of the women that sucked in her breath when she saw your son in New Moon, I would like to offer my sincerest apology.    I will admire him the same way I admire Michelangelo’s David, and leave it at that.

Sincerely,

onebarkingdog

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