Ping and the Pirate

It must have been the producer’s worst nightmare.

The two most interesting people on the show were up for elimination.  On one side of the runway, Ping, with her smiling face and endearing accent.  On the other, Anthony, king of the one liners.  Ping, shaking in her boots without a hint of sewing knowledge.  Anthony, living up to our expectations as an aspiring pageant wear designer.  How could the producers influence the show this time?  Even they couldn’t save both of them.  Who would they strong arm the judges into auf’ing?  It must have been agonizing.

The real battle, however, was between Ping and the Pirate.

The show got off to a very anti-Ping start.  The smack talk was running thick in the Atlas apartments the morning of the challenge announcement, most of it from Capt Jack.  So we knew she would either win or go home.  There was no other editorial choice, really.

But the bonus on this show was that it was a team challenge.  Would Ping drag someone kicking and screaming with her?  Who was the poor muck that she would choose as her partner?  Capt. Jack, that’s who (how’s that for editing in the ironic?).  And boy he was NOT happy.  Although, perhaps he should be:  it was the most we’ve ever seen of him on camera.

Most of the partnerships went well.  There was the usual bickering and shuffling of egos.  Surprisingly, Seth Aaron and Anthony seemed to have quite a bromance brewing in the workroom.  Not a pairing I would have seen coming.  Capt. Jack was so worried that Ping was going to drag him down he was quite the prick…second guessing everything she did, messing with a head that honestly couldn’t stand a lot more rattling around in it.  Not his biggest fan at this point.  The other partnership of note was Mila and Jonathan.  Although Mila interpreted “partner” as meaning “you are now my sewing machine slave”.

They were supposed to be inspired by icons of fashion (note to Lifetime:  that phrase would carry a lot more weight if you didn’t use it every episode!)  They gave them tons of money and TWO days to make it.  Which, of course, meant that they were going to have to make the look for less, and why are these guys surprised by this revelation when we see it coming the minute they give them two days I’ll never understand.  Note to Potential Contestants:  if you want to be on the show, WATCH THE DAMN SHOW!

TOP:

Jay and Maya:

The high fashion look was, well, high fashion.  There was a lot of technical skill involved with this.  It was perfectly constructed and, if you took a couple of the giant scales off the shoulder, red carpet worthy.  They did themselves a great favor by pulling the model’s hair back and avoiding accessories.  Any extras would have been overwhelming.  I would have liked a more vibrant and risky contrast color, but well done.

The judges loved their look for less.  I thought the little jacket looked messy and unnecessary.  A little edit down to just the dress would have improved it a lot for me.  It was wearable, but it wasn’t my favorite.

WINNER:

Mila and Jonathan

I am going to start with their look for less.  It was an abomination.  I can’t imagine who would have ever worn this.  You have to understand, the inspiration they had to use was Anthony’s “flight of the bumblebee” pageant mess.  But I would have hoped for more.  The skirt is as unflattering as they get.  And they went with the same day glow yellow instead of toning it down a little.  Bleck.

Their high fashion look was…oh my God, really?…PANTS!  Hallelujah.  Mr. Kors and I both appreciated the separates.  However, I was hoping for fashionable, interesting separates.  Not something from an 80’s music video.  Mila spent the entirety of the two days working on the jacket.  Seriously?  That untailored, Tron-inspired unflattering mess?  And then they paired it with a disco sequined tank top and leggings with a white tuxedo stripe.  Or are they just really high waisted bicycle pants?

retching noises

I don’t think I have ever been more at odds with the judges before.  They said Anthony’s wasn’t forward looking.  Oh, so when we look at this one we are standing in 1978?  Heidi said she would like to wear it.  I would like to see her try.

WHO SHOULD HAVE WON:

Amy

I LOVED this dress.  It was flattering, different, luxurious and had a huge wow factor.  I can’t remember who she was paired with, so it must have been Ben (it was actually Jesus).  I don’t care what the look for less was.  This was the winner for me.

THE BOTTOM:

Anthony and Seth Aaron

Wow.  Pageant wear strikes back.  Anthony must have mistaken “high fashion” for “hoop skirt”.  And what was with the bumble bee color palette?  True, Anthony made a crack about the dress being for a McDonald’s employee, but then he didn’t do anything to actually fix that.  The skirt could double as a tent for displaced earthquake victims.  And using the feathers to hide some of the yellow, oh, I mean pattern the top, just made it look like bordello-wear.

Their look for less wasn’t as bad as the judges said.  I have seen that dress in stores a thousand times, so it must actually sell.  Which I would assume is the ultimate goal of this whole fashion designer thing.

I do have to give props to Seth Aaron for not throwing Anthony under the bus.  Instead of hiding behind the “he was the team leader, I was just doing what I was told” excuse, he stood on that Runway and took 50% of the blame.  After his lack of ethical compass in regards to the bed situation, it was the last thing I expected to see.  Kudos.

THE LOSER

Ping and Capt. Jack

They only sent Ping home, saving sending Capt Jack home for at least another week.  What an ass.  He took smiling, giggling Ping and turned her into a self-doubting stress ball.  Good work young man.  Your mother must be so proud.

Granted, being paired with Ping was every designers nightmare.  He could, however, have handled it better.  So eager was he to save his own ass, that he blind-sided Ping, telling the judges he spent most of his time giving her sewing lessons.  Never mind that you told her he wouldn’t bother making a pretty top if she was just going to cover it up.  Don’t mention that any time she made a decision you undermined it.

The look itself was Ping meets Jessica McClintock. shudder

The top was what Capt Jack worked on.  It didn’t fit the model well at all.  It was too tight at the waist and the lining was coming around on the strap.  raspberry at Capt Jack

Ping chose the colors well.   There was a copper colored band that doesn’t show in the picture.  The palette was very rich.  But eventually you have to actually sew something, not just pin it to the bottom of the top and hope for the best.  If she could have found some way to make it a real dress, it might have kept her in the middle of the pack.  But she didn’t.  And her look for less would have damned her regardless.

It was a nightmare on all levels: style, design, technique, color…you name it they got it wrong.  I almost nodded off as it came down the runway.  The only thing that kept me awake was the remarkably bad tailoring.  The whole thing was crooked.  The hem was uneven, one dart was bigger than the other, and there’s an unintentional waviness to where the top and skirt are sewn together…what a disaster.  I suppose Capt Jack taught her how to sew that…

The judges were shocked to hear that Ping didn’t even fit her look for less model.  Well what was Capt Jack doing?  He couldn’t fit it in?  Oh, right, he was too busy running home ec class.  Grow a pair.

Granted, it was just a matter of time for Ping.  Sooner or later something was going to require actual sewing and pattern making.  She would never have made it past that.  But Capt Jack was such a tool that now I can’t wait to see the back of him.

I still don’t really have much of a line on who might win.  I think Amy might be a sleeper.  I like her designs, and she might start to get more attention as the field thins a little.  Emilio seems to have the strongest skill set, and the most self confidence.    Maya shows a real flair and excellent sense of style.  But it is still anyone’s game at this point.

Next week we are apparently in for a “fashion emergency of Chernobyl proportions”.  Sweet.

They are designing for a group of inspiring women.  I would like to see it be women who have has mastectomies without reconstruction.  I know from family members that finding anything to wear other than sportswear is very difficult.  I fear, however, that it will be something boring like plus size.  Let’s hope there really is a wow, instead of just a yawn.