Hard to Wear

Okay,

I am so tired from staying up to watch the Oscars, and heaving myself through the Pinewood Derby this weekend (Luge won a medal…we are so proud), that the Project Runway blog will be highly disappointing.  Suck it up.

So, this was another unconventional materials project.  They tromped everyone down to the local boutique hardware store (are you allowed to even operate a hardware store in New York?) and gave them $150 to whip up something for the runway.  Imagine how much farther their shopping dollar would have gone if they had gone to Lowe’s.  Emilio might have had enough material to make a dress, but more about that later.

First off, I would like to express how disappointed I am with the judging on this one.  They were WRONG WRONG WRONG.  Not just who went home, but who was in the top.  I will show you who the judges put in the top.  Then you will see who deserved to  be there.  They got one of them right…

The boring part:

The top three.

Maya

I don’t know what the judges are thinkin’ about, but it sure ain’t fashion.  WTF?  This looks like a bad Halloween costume.  A sheath dress underneath an Elvira meets Nosferatu inspired “jacket”.  I will agree that the key necklace was pretty cool.  But the rest of this was predictable and UGLY!  I won’t even dignify this outfit with more outrage.

Should have been:

Jonothan

Copper flashing and tape?  Holy Cow!  The model looks gorgeous, and there is so much visually interesting about the dress without it coming off as just busy.  Look at the construction…how the hell did he do that?

Moving right along…

Okay, this weird love of Mila has gone too far.  I just want to go down there and strangle the lot of them with a color blocked scarf.  This is just nasty.  A corset made out of paint tray liners.  How this didn’t end up with the model cut to shreds I’ll never know.  The corset is ugly, the top doesn’t make any sense, and I am just so sick of seeing this same look reworked:  Did Seth Aaron’s last look make a baby with a plastics factory?  She has about as much originality as Michael Kor’s signature black uniform.  Enough.  ENOUGH!

Should have been:

Amy

Sandpaper as material was flipping brilliant.  It looked like leather, and the construction was great.  It is hard to see in the photo, but she used different gauges of paper to create texture in the color blocking (take a lesson Mila!)  While the breast fan wasn’t my favorite…it was an amazing achievement sadly overlooked by the judges.

At least they got the winner right:

Jay

It is true that they have seen many a garbage bag come down the runway (intentional or otherwise), but Jay threw down a bin liner outfit that will never be equalled.  How did he make it look like leather?  Insane.  And while I feel that the top was so so, the pants win it for him hands down.  Bravo.

And now for the bottom of the barrel.

Poor Anthony.  It is a pretty little dress.  It’s a little prommy…but to make that out of hardware supplies was a pretty nifty feat.  Of course the judges thought that it was too soft and pretty.  It was, after all a hardware challenge.  So…no props for taking something hard and making it look like real fabric?  Nope.  Without actually telling the contestants, they were judging on whether or not it looked “hardware”.  Whatever.  This wasn’t the worst look (cough, cough, Emilio), and I wouldn’t have put it in the bottom three.  But he made it through so I won’t complain.

Now THIS… I will complain long and loud about this.

Seriously Emilio?

Another hooker outfit.  This from the man who was upset with the challenge because he makes “beautiful dresses”.  Well, he’d better, because he makes crappy stripper outfits, oh, sorry, swimsuits.  He didn’t come back from the store with nearly enough stuff to construct and actual article of clothing.  However, that didn’t stop him from spending hours trying to macrame together something with his neon pink cording and washers.  He came up with stripper chain mail.  Never mind that the whole thing is almost obscene.  Never mind that it is sinfully ugly.  Never mind that no self respecting stripper would ever wear this nightmare.  He tried to make it acceptable by lying that he figured everyone else would make a dress so he thought he would make a swimsuit.

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Oh, I’m sorry…the tears of laughter are blurring my eyesight.  It’s hard to type.

This is the ugliest thing I can ever remember coming down the runway.  Nina kinda liked it.  Nina is f&@*ing insane.

But instead of sending this ever loving piece of sh*t home they finally decided to get rid of:

Poor Capt Jack.  This isn’t his best work…bubble skirts never are.  But he should be spitting nails that Emilio was given a Mulligan and he is back to mugging it up at Disney.  AArrgg.

Notes:

The producers must occasionally read this blog, b/c my surefire edit read didn’t work this week.  No more giving away my secrets.

If they don’t start calling Mila on being a one trick pony I am going to go insane.