Elementary, My Dear…

Oh No!!  They showed Ben on the phone with his partner!!  Be afraid Ben, be very afraid!

We are down to the last 9, and things are starting to get ugly (especially some of the garments).

There is something about getting past the top ten that either inspires designers to reach new heights of taste and style, or makes them panic and turn into raving lunatics.  This episode, we saw both.  The designers were tasked with making a garment inspired by one of the four elements: earth, wind, fire, and water (the lesser known member of the group who left before they really took off).  From the get go I figured this one would have some epic fails.  It did not disappoint.

I have to take issue with the fast and loose aspect of the inspirations.  Mostly it came down to:  make you design and then contort the inspiration until it fits what you made.  Hey, we’ve all done it.  But here…they all done it, with the possible exception of Jay, who made a tornado dress.   It  looked like it had literally survived one, as in it looked like it had been ripped off a laundry line and dragged through mud and sludge. But he had immunity so they just let him on through.

Emilio never wants to go into a hardware store again…believe us Emilio…we all pray for that.  He skated through because nothing could look as awful as last week’s stripper chain mail.  Back to pretty dresses where he belongs.

My favorite, Anthony, made it through as well.  I do take issue with him making a dress inspired by fire that was black and grey.  But when he explained that the inspiration was the charred remains of his pastor’s house after it was burnt down by an arsonist, I was willing to cut him some slack.  Let’s be honest, I am always willing to cut him some slack.

On to the stratosphere:

Maya


So, this was inspired by water.  Big Muddy apparently.  I know, I know.  You can’t be too literal in these things.  But who is really inspired by muddy water?  No one.  Maybe a noodler, or a leech, but other than that, no one.

I can see the movement in the sleeves, but honestly, it came off as sloppy.  As always, the edges weren’t surged.  Maybe it’s just me, but the little frays and flyaways really distract me from the garment.  It makes it look too home-ec projecty for me.  But this is something the judges have let slide from the beginning, so who am I to complain.

The cowl on the back was a nice touch, though it didn’t match the feel of the exposed zipper.  The tailoring on Emilio’s piece was far superior.

Nina had to throw in there that it looks too Nina Ricci.  Then don’t put her in the top three.  Oh, wait, you wouldn’t get to wow us with your superior fashion knowledge if she isn’t up there for you to make the comment.  Now I see how this works.

Seth Aaron:

pr7-ep8-seth-b.jpg


He continues to surprise.  Again, you don’t look at this and say “Yup.  Wind.”  But this is a gorgeous coat:  something we are finding he excels at.   His inspiration was looking out (into the wind, I guess) over the city and seeing the stars.  I don’t know what crack he’s smoking that you can see stars over New York at night.  If they move they are airplanes, if they don’t, they are cell towers.  We can only see three stars at night here in Chicago, and they have much more light pollution than we do (they win again!).

(I return to you after losing half of my stupid work because my stupid router lost the stupid connection to when I stupid saved it the whole stupid thing was stupid lost.  Feel free to substitute f*#%/ing in the appropriate places.  CURSE YOU NETGEAR!)

How this man can make black leather feminine and flowy is beyond me, but he does.  And while the front of the coat is gorgeous, you don’t really catch the inspiration until the model turned around.  The collar and the bottom show his inspiration perfectly.  I could take or leave the pants, though ze French judged loved them (after all, ‘e iz french).  I wish that Seth Aaron wouldn’t use black, I think we lose a lot b/c black is just too damn hard for them to photograph on the runway.  But we aren’t the ones he has to impress.

The Winner!

Jonothan


Well, the boy was due.  Not that he had a lot of designs before that blew my socks off, but statistically, he was due.  This was a perfectly lovely dress.  Inspiration:  Wind.  Wanted the model to be “enveloped in laughter”.  Not the bodily wind my boys would have chosen (can you say “pull my finger”), and again, quite a stretch in the interpretation department.

Not much new here.  We have seen this dress before, though not with the shoulder halo connecting to the model’s hair.  Good luck sitting down in that!  The visual interest came from sewing layers of fabric together and then cutting away sections to reveal varying texture and colors.  The judges kept tripping over themselves to compliment his color choice, and how it complimented the model’s skin tone.  Whoopie.  Any normal woman would look like sh*t in those colors.  I guess that one day hanger appeal is in, and the next, it’s out.

I would have given this one to Seth Aaron.  The tailoring and originality beat Jonothan hands down.

The Dregs…

Mila


FINALLY!!  They called her on being a one hit wonder, a one trick pony, a monochromatic mess.  About time, people, about time.  I didn’t find her earth inspired separates as offensive as the judges, but it was pretty snooze inducing.  I did like the “sleeveless jacket” (Mila, honey,  it’s called a v-e-s-t), and I am always a fan of well made pants.  But again, this was a do-whatever-you-want challenge, and you can’t get away with ready to wear separates for that.

Amy


Holy F*@%ing God!  What strange mythical creature is attacking that poor model’s breasts!!!  Someone help her!  Oh wait…Calm down, calm down…it is just a Jessica Simpson fake ponytail run amuck.  Whew, that was a close one.

This goes down as one of the greatest “what the f*@% was she thinking”s of all time.  “I thought it would be neat to have her hair fill the bowl.”  Really?  I’ll let you in on a little something, Amy:  I cannot think of any scenerio where having someone’s hair fill any kind of bowl is a good idea, especially one that involves boobs.  Not a good combo.  And shame on the Garnier hottie for not talking her out of it.  Shame!

If it were just the sling, but it’s not!  The catsuit/jumpsuit thingy is not fit properly.  The crotch is all over the place, the sling didn’t stay up, and there was nothing to it.

And where is the fire inspiration in this?  In the…maybe if you…what about…nope.  Don’t see it.  She wanted something along the lines of controlled chaos.  Well, I could barely control keeping my dinner down when I saw it.  Does that count?  I think a hooker look would have been an improvement.

Ben (aka Doug, ’cause I can never remember his name and that’s what I always call him when talking to my sister.)


Wow.  You really shouldn’t make your first pant suit for a Project Runway challenge.

The editors totally gave this one away by having him tearily talk to his partner on the phone. Kiss of death, son.  Kiss of death.

He did deserve to go home.  Inspiration:  water.  So, let’s go with great white sharks, yeah, that’s the ticket.  This is one of the few cases where Seth Aaron’s design would have been a better choice for someone else.

Where to begin?  The jock strap pant?  I wanted to yell at Nina that Madonna inspired a whole generation of young girls to wear their underwear as outerwear.  But no matter how loud I scream she never listens.  I seem to remember wishing she would come back…what was I thinking?  But back to what’s-his-name’s design.  It was the wrong color, the wrong fit, the wrong idea and the wrong execution.  The fact that a panel of four people found this more crappy than a hairy boob sling shows you just how uninspiring it was.

Next week:  the biggest PR challenge ever.  When did they hire the marketing team from ER?  But it’s a team challenge and I love team challenges and now we’re down to the really strong personalities so this should be good.  Evil laughter

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