This is America, and This is Our Cheese…

Okay, seriously Lifetime?  An ad before EVERY segment I watch on the new designers!?  You can’t have some mercy and maybe do every third segment like Yahoo! music!?  You make being a fan of this show very, very hard.

They ran the same five ads over and over and over again.  So while my brain is still trying to wrestle the jingles out of my consciousness, I will give you the low down on PR season 8!

Can you smell the burn of the overtaxed sewing machines?  Can you hear the b*tchy banter?  Can’t you almost taste the panic in the air?  Please welcome the “designers” for season 8:

There are few surprises in this group.  There are the usual industry hacks, a costume designer, a housewife from Lake Forest (representin’ Il!), and a landscape designer.  I refuse to make a snarky comment about that being a lawn mower on steroids b/c I love my cousin Matthew.  There are a few kooks as usual, but it would appear that there isn’t even one token straight guy this season.

We have two designers from the St Louis area and two from Hawaii.  No out of towners, well, except for the gentleman named “Cassanova” (bleck) who is, in his words, “slow in English”.  Well, baby, you had better be fast in sewing.

Michael (aka: Rerun) and Jason, who apparently never learned to annunciate, both finally made the cut after trying out for season’s past.  One girl, Sarah, made it through with a collection whose theme was “I’m kinda weird.”  I thought it should be “these kinda suck” but nobody asks me.

Ah, I’m out of Wheat Thins…my life is officially over

Sorry, but I felt I should include a commercial interruption since they were such an integral part of my experience…

There was the goth bondage girl, April, who doesn’t look promising. Ivy had a blood spatter inspired print in her collection: sexy if you’re Ted Bundy.  Found objects were part of A.J.‘s theme, and plastics dominated the other Michael’s offerings.  Gretchen dyes all her organic fabrics herself, and made velvet harem trousers.  Yuck.  At least she can compost them.

Nick is a Twihard and if that weren’t enough to make me like him he had the cutest reaction to being cast:  “I’m here all alone and there’s no one to hug!”  Cutie pie.

There was a list of snoozers.  Peach made clothes you would imagine a 50 year old named Peach would make.  They had polka dots and rhinestones and would be too young for my 12 year old niece.  In her closet tour she pulled out a pair of pink pants with Izod alligators embroidered all over them.  This is someone you want designing for you?  NOT!

Continuing in the snoozer vein, Christopher had cool fabric choices but the clothes were so basic I’ve already forgotten them. McKell is too out there, she lives in Utah and has white-girl dreads.  Despite a personal edginess, her clothes were too printy and too shapeless.  Someday people will learn that “kookie” is not a point of view.

Mondo, who wins for best name, can sew like nobody’s business, but has a serious taste deficit.  It was over designed fabulous fifties wear.  And Valerie made a gorgeous coat, but most of her work consists of strange belts and vests and accessories that look like futuristic bondage.  Do I smell a producer with a fetish?

Cedar Pointe:  the Fun & Only…

I just can’t shake the damn jingles!

People who are promising… it is almost impossible to tell yet, but here are the designers I wanted to see more from:

Kristin (aka: the Professor).   Her head shot makes her look like a fan of the funny cigarette.  But there was something about the pieces she showed.  She was innovative without being too bizzah.

Ivy was one of my favorites.  True, she had the over-done Samuri theme, and she was the blood spatter chick.  But her pieces in the “before Runway” segment are understated and elegant and I would wear them in a heartbeat.

I guess my front runner would have to be Andy.  In his casting segment he pulled out the most sinful ombre silk dress.  I want it NOW!  His tailoring is out of this world and it looks like he is the MacGyver of fashion construction.  If they were deciding the winner off the audition collections, there wouldn’t even be a contest.  However, my concern is that he will be a slowpoke, undone by the unnecessary PR time constraints.  Only time will tell.

So there you have it, folks:  a spanking new season and cast.

Here’s hoping for amazing fashion, epic fails, and huge egos!

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