I Gave Birth to a Chinese Prostitute

After listening to Gretchen prattle on about how she “deserves to be here” retching noises and then wondering how it is that her still being here means she deserves it, but somehow Rerun’s presence is just an accident?  I thought “to hell with everyone but Mondo!  I hate them all!”  Then Rerun has to go on and on about how talented Mondo is without a hint of politics or self importance and I realize that I have to like him too even though I don’t want to.

Time to wow the judges folks.  Time to take it all the way to fashion week people!

So, lets pick black, black, and more black.  And I know, let’s pick a bridge, yes…two of you, for inspiration.  Or let’s do something like a whole park, or a whole neighborhood.  Wait, wait!  I know, make a dress inspired by a dress!  That’s the ticket.  These people are soooo snoozy!

These guys had $500 to make an outfit and they all come out with cocktail dresses?  Separates?  Are  you f*cking kidding me?  Go crazy!  Pull some color!  Some feathers!  SOMETHING!

Everything about this show was tired.  The designers are tired, the judges are tired, the producers are tired, Swatch (the Mood dog) is tired…

And the product placement is KILLING ME.  Do the designers really need to know how the hairstylist is going to create their style using all these (insert close up of green bottles here) Garnier products (spokesmodel arm sweep)?  Seriously, whores, can’t we have one episode without the gratuitous shots of the hp tablets, or the pimping of the Piper Lime wall?


  • Gretchen in velvet harem pants.  MY EYES!
  • Andy’s Cool Whip mohawk hairdo.  DON’T!  And no more corsages.  No More.
  • Mondo as a punk Little Rascal?  Please.
  • Rerun, you want to know if they like your look?  Of course they don’t.  They think you’re an idiot.  Grow a Pair!
  • Was April featured in this episode at all?  AND STOP WITH THE BLACK

Not a Problem:

    Welcome back my little fierce one!  Christian Soriano was our guest judge.  Love you!  So joining the gay round table.

    I could show you all the tired looks:  April with an asymmetrical black dress, Mondo with wacky prints, Andy with the Matrix warrior, Gretchen with the “what the hell was that?” and Rerun with a dress that everyone though was crap that the judges loved.  But I won’t.

    April was auf’d, and I have to say that as much as I hate to see Gretchen go, April had run her course.  A witch outfit collection would have seriously sucked, and I doubt she had anything else in her.

    So what does this mean?  HOME VISITS!

    Yes my lovelies, next week (okay, later today) we get to see Tim Gunn verbally abuse the contestants at their homes while they scheme to get him to participate in ridiculous tasks such as trampolines and biscuit cookery.

    Let the games begin.

    2 thoughts on “I Gave Birth to a Chinese Prostitute

    1. my biggest issue was when Tim saw April at Mood and told her she needed to surprise the judges with color and she said “don’t worry.” She used Navy, right??

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