Before I start on the Halloween post I wanted to just get this one out of the way.
That was the most uninspired finale I have seen since Irena won. It might be the saddest runway finale collections ever. I expected a lot from these guys (except Gretchen). Mondo is a color genius. Andy makes such strong clothing. Gretchen is, well, Gretchen.
So, color genius…what’ve you got for me? (excited little claps)
What? This? You’re joking, right? Your real collection will be coming any second, right…
I am sorry, belts, the trim on the ankle boots, one tunic and one blue shirt? This is color? This is disappointment expressed through polka dots.
Are those wound balls of human hair on their heads? What’s with all the fiddly bits up there? I remember the judges specifically telling him to edit those down in the last episode. There is being true to yourself as a designer and then there is just plan old not listening.
Mondo should have walked away with this competition. He has vision, true talent, and is cute as a button. But he went black and white. BLACK AND WHITE! A lot of the proportions were simply wacky and unflattering. Especially the houndstooth high waisted pants. Thanks for the giant “V” to the crotch Mondo (that’s sarcasm in case you missed it). The Day of the Dead shirts were fine, but they didn’t really make any sense. And no matter how much I, Coach, Heidi, Jessica Simpson (I’ll get to her, don’t worry) LOVED the last dress, it couldn’t make up for the whole lotta nothing that went down the runway before it. This collection from another designer would be great. From Mondo, it came off forced and hesitant.
Alright. Andy. Let’s see what kick-ass clothes you came up with…
Are you kidding me? Apparently if you are importing Laotian fabrics they only let you pick silver and green. When you think Asian-inspired, do you think muted color palette? I could imagine this collection with a whole range of colors like the green and it is soooo much better than this monochromatic disaster.
That’s not to say that there weren’t some gorgeous pieces. The bathing suit ensemble was so sexy and original I wish I was 21 again. The dresses, especially the one shoulder piece, were sinfully elegant and yet completely wearable. But Andy went way off his warrior woman aesthetic and I found that disappointing. Just because they can’t all be suits of armor doesn’t mean that they have to be this soft. I thought the green jacket the judges went ga-ga over was poorly constructed. I was thoroughly unimpressed by the deconstructed separates, and felt that some of the fabrics looked a little too reception-hall-drapey
Most distracting were the little orbiting-planet head pieces. A few of them were pretty. Putting them on all the models was overkill.
Alright, two disappointing collections down, one more to go. There is no way Gretchen could disappoint, since I expect nothing good to come out of her…
Wow. I am disappointed.
Wait, I think I have seen this collection somewhere before?… Ah yes, the 1978 JC Penny catalogue. WTF?
- Color palette. Yes, nothing says fashion forward like pukey neutrals.
- Diapers. Never a good look on ANYONE.
- Jeepers Creepers hats. The scarecrow look has never been “in”.
- The shoes. Awful. Just awful.
- The pants the judges loved looked like the model had peed latex down herself.
Highlights. The first dress. That’s it. What? You like the jewelry? So what? This is a garment competition. Who gives a crap about the jewelry?
Overall a very lackluster performance. I was shocked at how little I cared about who won while watching these come down the runway, which was a good thing since Coach ruined the ending for me with an untimely email (I time shifted). I cared so little that when I first posted this I didn’t even mention that Gretchen won. Yes, Gretchen. That mess won. So what does this tell us about the judging?
I have to protest Jessica Simpson being the guest judge for the finale. There are very few people less fashion-challenged than Ms. Simpson. She usually looks terrible and that is with the aid of stylists. When this much is at stake they need to have someone respected in the fashion industry at the wheel, not a pop star.
Nina and the Duchess might be a bit past their date as well. Heidi is driving me nuts. I like that she stood up for Mondo. I also really enjoyed the producers showing more of the judging.
Who would I have given it to? No one. I would have sent them all home to start over. Think they would let me?
‘Till next cycle…