In writing for the Nanowrimo (which I am sure you are sick to death of hearing about by now), I have occasionally been trolling the official web page. They have a procrastination station, pep talks, and forums one can wade through at their leisure.
The forum I found today has had me giggling for hours. It is the “Adopt a Witty, Humorous, or Sarcastic Line” forum. This is the place that people who are much funnier than me post lines that they love that just won’t fit into their stories. They put them up hoping someone else will be able to use them.
Here are a few of my favorites:
- I was born a pessimist. My blood type is B negative.
- I’d kill for a Nobel Peace prize.
- When someone asks you, “A penny for your thoughts,” and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
- I like my women like I like my coffee. Cold and bitter.
- “Good morning. I see the assassins have failed again.”
- There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives. “
- I would love to offer you moral support, but my morals are questionable.
- My Freudian slip is showing.
- “He’s the kind of person that would defend himself from vultures by playing dead…”
- “Don’t knock on deaths door; ring the bell and run.”
- – Girl: When was the last time you had sex?
Boy: Dunno, when was the last time you took sleeping pills?
I love all of these and more. I just hope I can think of something to put up for adoption in return.
I am now officially behind in my word count. Total for today: zero.