No…No…No…

My brother’s greatest pet peeve is when they have judges in the workroom. I have to agree with him. Especially since, in the end, it is whichever outfit the one judge likes best that wins, not one decided best by differing points of view. The best schmoozer in the workroom has a huge advantage. They tried to deal with that by bringing on a total of 5 judges, one being the nastiest guest judge in the history of the show (“if Nina showed up in that I’d think she was sick”), but in the end it was Nina who crowned the winner. It seemed senseless to have the others show up.

No team challenge, so there was much less drama. Well, unless you count Rockin’ One and the Hacker choosing the same fabric. Talk about a PR first! It was a delicious pattern, which meant it was all wrong for the queen of solids.

Nina apparently doesn’t like much in the way of anything when it comes to clothes. She rattled of a list of things she didn’t like which included things like voluminous fabric, loud prints, vibrant colors, sunsets, children and Santa Claus.

After that list it was hard to imagine much of anything worth looking at heading down the runway. The contestants must have felt the same way, because this was one of the weakest runway shows I’ve seen since Gretchen’s final collection.

Did anyone else notice that Oliver wasn’t even given a moment’s screen time in the workroom? I’d forgotten he existed until he was sitting at the runway show. The editing on this show gives away everything without even having to try. You have 90 minutes people!

Even with Nina shooting down almost every designer in the workroom, they mostly put garments on the runway the Nina wouldn’t wear in a thousand years. It was supposed to go from day to night, mostly they went south.

The middle were pretty bad. I wish I felt up to going through all of them. Runway Barbie threw down a green mess that was way tooooo short and crazy. Josh’s was too young (sorry Nina), Oliver’s was too drab (yes, even for Nina), Bryce’s was a construction train wreck, Bert the Jerk made yet another cocktail dress, and Rockin’ One’s was a boring suit. Snooze.

Hard to believe their were a top and bottom three this week, but their were.

Bottom:

Mousy Girl

I believe that the guest judge from Marie Claire said that this is what a “Mum would wear this in a kitchen making pureed acorn squash for her children”. No, bitch, this is what “mums” wear while dishing out slop to their kids:

Maybe if she had bothered to be home sometime when the nanny was feeding her own kids, she would have realized that.

Back to the garment. It was certainly Dynasty-esque. It was so boring and wrong and something you would find in the back on a sale rack at Carson’s.

Mean Girl

If she really wants to go home, as she revealed to her fellow contestants but oddly enough not to the judges, this was a really good effort. At Mood she thought she was picking out a purple, but in the workroom it presented as a gun metal grey. There isn’t enough bad lighting in the world to make that mistake. I doubt it would have mattered anyway. She gave up. Nina vetoed the sketch of the nasty jacket and Mean Girl never recovered.

It made the model look schlumpy: never a good sign. The choice of fabric did nothing. It was too light to give structure and too heavy to flow or skim properly. I didn’t like the neckline or the way it cut across the front. It was unflattering and weak.

Granola Girl

I sort of liked this one. The judges blasted her color choices, but I thought they went well together. Of course, they wouldn’t have been very flattering on Nina, but Nina liked the orange in the workroom and then turned on it on the runway. Granted, this was supposed to be something for Nina, and I don’t think anyone would ever dress her in something like this, but I could see regular women in this dress/coat thing, especially in climates like ours where your coat is your fashion statement for 9 months out of the year. Hangar appeal obviously only matters when you are looking for an excuse to like something. They thought the look was confusing (I’m sorry, directions on my horrific GPS are confusing, not clothing).

Granola Girl got the boot. You can’t live in the bottom from day one and not eventually have to pay the piper.

Top:

Anya

Boy, someday she is gonna get it. Her sewing skills are atrocious, and it won’t be long before no one will be willing to help her. Props to Victor for not turning her in for getting help with the sewing. He’s right, she’ll get hers.

To this wreck of a jumpsuit. Number one, it wasn’t a jumpsuit. It was separates. If anyone had bothered to look past the ill-conceived belt they would have seen that. There is a huge difference, and I’m surprised no one called her on it. I didn’t like the original mustard print she chose, and while the dyed brownish/black was better, it’s damning by faint praise. The pants were good, but there is no “day” in that shirt. No chance of those straps staying up without stapling them to your shoulders, no chance that Nina really goes that bra-less, no matter what she says. I don’t think I ever remember Nina wearing anything seriously low cut, please correct me if I’m wrong. She said she would wear this and I don’t believe it for a second.

The Hacker should have been in the top.

I love this dress, and it would be so flattering on Nina and anyone else who would like to wear it. I thought this had Nina written all over it when I saw it come down the runway. You wouldn’t think Nina could be wrong about her own garment, but really, are we that surprised?

Victor

This SCREAMED Nina. It had all the hard edges and self importance that make Nina, well, Nina. She told him to puff out the hips of the skirt and he managed to do it without wonkifying the proportions. She could accessorize the crap out of this baby. I really felt instantly that this one would hold its own at the office and at some stupid industry event later in the evening. They complained that it was too “right now”. Really? How dare he be on trend! But wait, isn’t that how they have complimented other designers. Pick a side, judges! I liked this, but there were some minor construction issues, and I still would have picked the Hacker’s over this one. But very well done, Victor. I guess Bert the Jerk really was hobbling you, and not the other way around.

Kimbery

Wanted to make a skirt, but was told to make pants. When she pulled out the gold we all winced, didn’t we. But then when you think of Nina’s coloring, it didn’t seem so bad. It could have gone futuristic sailor, but she managed to put a lovely garment down the runway. Nina was instantly smitten, and I don’t think anyone doubted this would be the winner. I didn’t love the top, it pulled funny across the middle, making it look too small. All that business at the neckline and then the straight seam over the twins made them look a little low. It could easily be reworked to sell on hangars at the mall, however, so it was the winner. The colors did look beautiful on the old harpy, I’ll give her that.

Next week they make the contestants run a foot race to determine team leaders. Other than putting them all in ridiculous outfits, the only other thing it seems to accomplish is killing Oliver. When do they just get to make something for crying out loud? I am getting no sense for who these people are as designers.

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