To Adrienne

Sorry I haven’t been posting lately. I feel I have nothing to write about worth reading. But since you admitted to reading all my posts, even the incredibly lousy ones, I promised I’d write one for you even if I didn’t have anything to say.

It was great seeing you at the party this week. Whenever I come in, I always think I’ll have time to see everyone, and then leave with a giant list of people I didn’t connect with. Having most of my girlies in the same spot made it so enjoyable. I don’t come as often as I would like, but I think that’s because it’s always a little hard for me to see everyone filling in the spaces where we used to be. New baseball teams have formed, new talent show skits conceived, new parties planned. Of course you guys moved on without us, even I am not so self absorbed to think that you wouldn’t. But hearing stories about things I could never be a part of, well… it gives a bittersweet edge to being in OP.

Not that I am unhappy where we are now. I really do love the house. I really do love our neighbors. The kids are doing way better than I dared to imagine. And we have met good people, some that are even starting to be friends. But they are still fragile, superficial friendships. It is all still far too possible that I will say the wrong thing (which I feel I do with alarming frequency) and “poof”, our shot here will be blown. But when I see you, I say something curt and sarcastic and you call me a bitch and everything is just like before I left.

The day or two after I get back are the hardest. Most days I don’t notice that I don’t go out for lunch with the girls, or I don’t have a Tuesday night basketball date, or I don’t have anyone to meet me for spinning class. But after I get back, well, its easy to feel a little lonely. So I want you to know that I miss you and the rest of my OP family like crazy. Even if maybe I don’t let you know it as much as I should.

Now, this is the part where I usually roll my eyes, deem it too depressing and whiney, delete the whole damn thing and move on. But since I am writing to just you, I’ll go ahead and post it. See you soon.