The Fauxhawk Wins!

Seed money for fashion collection:  $10,000.  Putting up a tent for Bryant Park fashion week:  $200,000.  Look on Emilio’s face upon hearing he DID NOT win Project Runway:  Priceless.

GO SETH AARON!!  Am I excited that Seth Aaron won?  Or over the moon that Emilio wasn’t?  Both baby, both.  Seth Aaron did it his way: fun and sassy and chic and completely him.

Emilio’s was nicely done.  I loved the blue kimono jacket

and other than the strange green color he chose and his awful “urban camoflage e-sosa” print it was very good.  The problem with it was that it was ready to wear.  You could have found any of those pieces at a high end department store.  But you don’t do that when the world is your stage.  When the world is your stage you give them Chicago, not High School Musical.  He went way too safe.  And while everyone was tripping over themselves to praise his flowy dress, what they didn’t notice was that the front panel rode up between the model’s legs and gave her a gold diaper.

It was a construction error from someone who doesn’t make those.  I don’t know why no one else noticed it.  This is why they need to consult with me…

Overall, I liked a lot of the pieces, and I really didn’t want to like any of them.

Mila’s was everything you expected it to be and less.

I guess this would be my favorite if pressed to choose.  I thought her accessories were the best.  But no matter how many aubergine bones you throw in, it was a black and white collection.  There’s a shocker.  The judges were wowed by her leggings.  I’m sorry, there is nothing exciting about leggings, no matter how cute they are.  They are chopped off opaque hose.  Oh wait, let me alert the media.  And the sheer cut outs were not her idea.  I have a pair of Puma running pants with sheer panels.  My trainer calls them my sexy pants. raspberries What really stinks is that these garments in the right colorway would be insanely good.  But she sold herself short and snoozed out the runway.  I did really like her dress from last week, but it is so last week…

THE WINNER!!!

Congratulations to Seth Aaron!  Not only for producing such astoundingly normal children, but for a really solid, creative, and whimsical collection.  He went out on the edge

and he showed elegance and sophistication.

…this one was my favorite.  It was the only collection that showed anything new.  Some of it was wacky, but then again, Seth Aaron is wacky.  Especially that hair…don’t ever do that to your hair again!!

Do I think the best collection won?  I agree with the judges, that Seth Aaron’s was the only collection. He experimented with texture, color, construction and perspective.  He went all the way, without fear or hesitation.  He pushed way past his comfort zone and you can’t say that about Mila or Emilio.  I wasn’t Seth Aaron’s biggest fan in the beginning, but he grew on me, and I am pleased as punch that he won (Congratulations Megan!)

So now we go into hibernation until next season.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.

The Handshake Heard ‘Round the World

Wow.  Who would have thought that Emilio would  have such an effect on Tim?  Granted, Emilio is an insufferable ass, but I have never seen Tim so cool towards a contestant before.  Jay threw himself into Tim’s arms.  Mila got kisses and Seth Aaron got the big bear hug.  Then it’s time to greet Emilio, and he gets the straight arm hand shake.  Ouch.  Serves you right, Emilio.  Raspberries.

But back to the beginning…

Tim Gunn on a trampoline!  Now I have seen it all.  I think the apron and biscuits was cuter, though.  Seth Aaron was the designer I instantly disliked.  Boy has he won me over.  I can’t wait to see his collection next week.  Tim thought SA needed to rethink his entire collection.  Yikes.  But does he give Tim crap?  Does he spout arrogant bull?  No.  He takes the advice and stews on it and makes a decision.  Take a lesson, Emilio.

Oh Emilio.  Oh Lordy.  Could you be a bigger jerk?  You were showing Tim a bunch of old lady clothes and another “the pattern is my name” fabric.  He tells you that they are crap and you again are rude to Mr. Gunn!!  You are dead to me.

Jay vs Mila

So, the two runners up duke it out for the last remaining spot at Fashion Week.  Lots of tears, lots of “I’m so close I can taste its”.  The producers tried to muddy the waters by making them room together.  But they made nice and were actually on speaking terms when they were forced to share a table in the work room.

Mila

Gee, black and white color blocking.  Never would have seen that coming.  Impeccable tailoring as always.  Nothing new nothing innovative, just retro 60’s styling in shapes that Heidi liked.

Jay

Great concept (but I like an Asian aesthetic), color, and shin guards.  Loved the shin guards.  It was Jay times 5, which he needed to do.  I didn’t think it was overworked.  It was original and “fashion forward” and everything that Mila’s wasn’t.  I really wanted to see what he ended up doing with that amazing coat from Tim’s visit.   I was intrigued and looking forward to seeing more.  Which, of course, meant that he wouldn’t make it to Bryant Park.  And he didn’t.  Stupid Nina sided with Heidi and they gave stupid Mila the green light.

I can’t believe they are sending Mila’s tired crap to the finals.  It makes me question the judges taste in general.  Perhaps they are getting too old…

So next week is the big to do.  Let’s hope Seth Aaron puts something amazing down the runway, and that Emilio suffers from an epic fail.  And from the looks of his collection in progress, it could easily happen.

As my sister says, “I hate Emilio so much that I wouldn’t wear his clothes if he were the last designer on Earth.  I would just walk around in pillow cases or something.”  Hear, hear!

The Greatest Show on Earth

I must once again lead with

Shut the f@*k up Emilio!

Challenge: make a high fashion look inspired by the circus.  Notice that they didn’t say “costume” or “ring master coat and pants”.  And they didn’t require black and white stripes, though you would never know it.

I felt like I was watching Tom Petty’s Don’t Come Around Here No More video from the 80’s.

Emilio

Crap.  I really don’t want to like his clothes.  But I really loved this dress.  It was the circus without being a costume.  However, he is an insufferable ass, and I wish that he would just stop talking.  STOP TALKING!  And you’d better stop yelling at Tim Gunn.  You sass to him again and you will have to deal with me.  Don’t underestimate me…I’m scrappy.  Of course he won, blah blah blah.   He was “humbled” by his win.  Are you laughing as hard as I am?

Seth Aaron

Okay, Seth, seriously?  The only thing that would have made this more of a cliche would be a top hat.  But wait, he was originally going to do one of those.  I realize that he has a unique point of view, but holy cow.  I am glad he went through, because I think he can put together a great collection.  This particular outfit, though, I felt fell short.  Not just because it was a re-styling of his mother/daughter challenge outfit,

but because we already know he can do this.  I know it is hard to believe, but this is “safe” for Seth Aaron.  But I wish him luck and am truly looking forward to seeing his collection.

Jay

As many people pointed out, it was a little King of Pop.  It was also too plain.  Too safe.  And too widely spaced across the chestle area.  A snoozer.  But I applaud the lack of black and white stripes.  He was told to go home, make a collection, and they will decide if it is Bryant Park worthy.  I hope he makes it through, because his competition is

Mila

What is this mess?  It didn’t fit her well.  It didn’t look inspired by the circus, it looked like it fell off the back of a circus truck. It lacked the exquisite tailoring of SA’s or Jay’s look.  She used color, but the wrong colors.  What was up with the lime green?  It lacked POP and sophistication.  The collar was vampira and black and white stripes were weak.  I was left thoroughly unimpressed.  She is really going to have to dig deep to end up in the final three.

Anthony

Goodbye Miss Sofia.  You will be sorely missed.  No one could forgive making a polyester dress.  No one.  The dress itself was fine, I guess.  I enjoyed his inspiration being someone other than the damn Ringmaster.  But his lack of technical skill really betrayed him this challenge.  No matter how much you like the guy, and I like him A LOT, you can’t give him the golden ticket on the back of something like this.  Half of his detailing didn’t even show up, and the bottom of the dress was just a wasteland.  I hope he gets the mentoring he needs to really blossom, ’cause I think the boy could really be something.

So next week is my absolute favorite show of the season.  Tim Gunn will criss cross the country trying to help the designers make fashion magic.  From the tease we already know that Emilio will disrespect Tim yet again grrrrrr.  I can understand not using his advice, but what I can’t understand and will never forgive, is how rude Emilio is to him.  Jackass.  What I really hope is that Tim makes biscuits again.  That was the cutest thing ever.

Comings and Goings

Before I begin, I have to get this off my chest:

Shut the f*@k up, Emilio.

There, I feel better.

Another red carpet challenge.  Another “make it for Heidi” challenge.  Yawn.  And so continues the pretty dresses parade.  Note to producers:  YOU SUCK!

ANTHONY came back!!  Of course, this joyous news was predicated by Maya leaving the show.  And in case you missed it she left because she just felt creatively exhausted.  She wasn’t sure she was ready for Bryant Park.  She, well, does it really matter?  She wimped out.  Christian Siriano was younger than Maya, and he managed to find a point of view.  He managed to win the whole damn thing.  One thing you need to learn in this world: if you’re going down, go down swinging.  Wimping out like that just sells yourself short.  And she blew the biggest opportunity she will ever have in the fashion industry.  But on the bright side:

Anthony

Way to come back, girlfriend!!  Even though he stole Mila’s color blocking, even though he only managed one hour of sleep, even though this could have gone horribly, horribly wrong…he pulled it off.  This was my favorite dress.  It moved on the carpet like a dream.  The back is insane…perfect for that “peeking over your shoulder” pose that everyone on the carpet seems to love. The slit in the front kept in young, and Heidi would be the bomb in this.  Of course, Heidi didn’t like it.  So it co-won (a PR FIRST jazz hands) because the guest judge, Jessica Alba, loved it.  The other winner was:

Emilio (I don’t know how to write with scorn, so I just used everything they give me).

No one since Irena has been this annoying.  Granted that was just last season, but who would have thought it even possible, let alone so soon?  I would love to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that they must be editing him that way.  No, actually, I wouldn’t.  He is an ass.  Which, of course, means that he will win the whole show.  Crap.  I hate it when the bad guy wins.  What makes it worse is that he probably deserves it.  This dress was so well constructed they should get this guy to consult on the Panama Canal extension.  There was a weird pucker right where her navel should be.  Could be her navel, I guess…but I’m wandering.  Other than that, it was beautiful.  If anyone other than Emilio had done it, I would be gushy.

Those were the only two that stood out as being good.  The rest follow:

Seth Aaron

I didn’t like this.  It was all the ingredients for edgy, but it looked executed by a third grader.  I think the decision to rusch (don’t know how to spell it, but you know what I mean) the bodice ruined it for me.  It had the look of a badly executed roman shade.  If it had been really sleek, it might have worked better.  But, you can’t do edgy with a regular full skirt and a standard neckline.  However I LOVED the back.  It is almost impossible to see in the pictures, so I won’t post it.  But it was amazing…looked like it belonged to a different dress.  He can do a lot better, and he needs to kick it into gear.

Jay

Well, he took a risk.  I have noted before that women DO NOT LIKE THEIR hips butt thighs etc, to look bigger than they are.  Even though Jay thinks it looks good, women do not.  Since we are the largest dress market, he might want to take that into consideration.  Especially since Heidi made the same comment in the work room.  But who are we to stand in the way of someone’s vision?  He was lucky the bodice was so amazing.  The color choice was wrong for Heidi, and before anyone jumps all over me that short dresses aren’t red carpet I would refer you to the Grammy awards, or the VMA’s.

Mila

Oh snap.  She sucks.  This isn’t red carpet for anything, unless there is a red carpet leading to ladies night.  To call this cocktail would be an understatement.  And what was with the color palette?  Heidi in brown?  What is Mila smoking?  Has anyone not seen this dress before?  I have, in the clearance rack.  The sewing was a joke, the colors some kind of sewage explosion, the cups were too far apart, the straps didn’t hold anything in place, the length was wrong, and the whole thing smacked of ready to wear.  She will be gone next week.

But the aufing went to:

Jonothan

He tried.  The original plan was to do his cut outs, but he made the mistake of choosing drapery material.  When Heidi pointed this out to him, he lost all self confidence and proceeded to flop around the workroom like a fish on a hot pier.  He started working on a new dress, but then didn’t like that one so went ahead and made a third dress.  And he wonders why he ran out of the only fabric Heidi liked.  Another problem was the fabric was jersey.  It is difficult to sew and drape and well, everything.  There was a sense that he had just given up, especially when it was so crazy short.  Another nice back, but there just wasn’t anything else redeeming about this piece.

Five little piggies left.  Just two more people go home before we have the final line up for Bryant Park.  Wouldn’t it be lovely if Anthony could make it?  Nah, I don’t think so either.  It will be the boys:  Jay, Emilio and Seth Aaron.  Jay can’t win because a Jay already won.  Seth Aaron can’t win because he is Jeffery’s Mini Me.  So that leaves Emilio.  I’m starting to feel this is like those fixed Olympic sports.  “Well, she was supposed to win the balance beam, so as long as she doesn’t fall, she’ll win”.  The producers know who they want at Bryant Park, and will do whatever they have to in order to get them there.  Just watch, the last two challenges will be dresses, or challenges where you can do dresses.  Besides, there has never been an African American winner.  But if that is their thinking, could someone put them in charge of Major League Baseball?  I know a really popular team that hasn’t won the championship in a while…

Don’t Tell Because it Hurts…

My head has been droopy all week.  This episode started on such a high note for me!  And then the bottom fell out…

Vivienne Tam is one of my favorite designers.  Ever.  She had a boutique in Hong Kong when we lived there, and it was one of the only places a big boned white girl like me could actually find formal wear that would fit.  So years ago I bought “the Mao dress”:

It is made out of some kind of miracle fabric that will fit anyone…and almost everyone I have known has worn it or at least tried it on.  It is famous in my circle for being at most weddings and important events.  Little did I know that it is actually famous.  The Mao dress is in the textiles collection at the Victoria & Albert museum in London.  Sweet.  So, now that you are all sufficiently impressed that I own a piece of real fashion history, we can move on.

The designers were given the chance to make their own textiles.  Kick ass, right?  Oh hell no people.  Hell no.  One would think if you were given the chance of a lifetime you would do a little more with it.  I wasn’t impressed with any of the fabrics to be honest.  I guess Maya’s was the best, but not in a strong class.  Mila’s was a joke…something my children would think was babyish.  Granted, I am not a fan of prints in general.

The Bottom

Mila:

Wait a minute?  I didn’t realize she had been costume designer for “That 70’s Show”?  The print was infantile and showed no artistic acumen whatsoever.  I mean, who would ever think of lines?  Oh, but wait, she did them in rainbow colors…original.  Come on!!!!  This is the best you can come up with?  Okay, maybe the grade school fabric could have been redeemed by some fantabulous design.  Nope.  Couldn’t come up with a damn thing other than an Old Navy maxi dress.  Must have dug deep for that one Mila.  And the model couldn’t even walk in it.  Shame.  Shame.  What was so perplexing was that she was so proud of it.  Did she really not know?

Jonothan:

Nice disco straight jacket.  Gotta give it to him, the fabric design was definitely him as a designer.  He took layers of color away, which is what he does all the time anyway.  This time, however, his fingers weren’t bleeding.  Though a little red…  Okay, the grey was a bad choice.  If he had chosen to play up the golden tones in the print he might have faired better.  The and the design didn’t do him any favors.  The dress was too structured.  The jacket was too strange.  Why on Earth would you design something you can’t put on by yourself?  That’s fine if it is something that you won’t be taking on and off during your date.  It is too close to Bryant Park to be making these types of rookie mistakes.  I agreed with the judges.  It was a little sad.  But I have to give the guy brass balls points for standing up for his textile.  You wouldn’t think he would have it in him, sassing off to Mr. Kors like that.  Bravo.

Anthony:

And this, this was truly sad.  The textile was trashy.  Purple and black…can anyone say bordello?  Another sweetheart neckline.  Another prom dress.  It looked a little too much like a strapless version of Emilio’s lead off win.  And it showed a lack of sophistication.  We all knew that this day would come.  I doubt anyone thought he would end up in Bryant Park, but it was nice to dream.  He took the aufing well, and God love him, was all smiles and good cheer on his way out the door.  Miss you sweetie!  All the best!!

The Top

Seth Aaron

Bitch can sew.  I swear he finished this up and had time for a root touch up before the runway.  I guess he and Geoffry share more than a penchant for black hair dye and rocker cliches.  I wasn’t a fan of the school bus yellow tie.  Nor was I a fan of the graphic novel print.  But the jacket was (again) perfectly tailored.  He needs to show me something new…I am getting bored.  And I wasn’t clear on why Jay’s chicken thigh pants were hated by the judges, but these weren’t.  Maybe they play better shiny.  I would be very surprised if S.A. doesn’t end up at Bryant Park.

Maya

The print was fine.  The dress was very snoozy.  The blocking was very 80’s and I didn’t appreciate the claustrophobic ruffle collar that seemed to wilt and die around her neck.  If there was innovation, I missed it.

Emilio

Don’t you just want to smack the guy?  First, he disses Tim Gunn.  No one puts Baby in a corner, you ungrateful boob!  “I don’t care what he says”?  Granted , things turned out all right for Emilio even though he ignored Tim.  But no matter how good you are you don’t just dismiss advice from someone who knows a hell offa lot more than you and only offers his advice to try and make you realize your full potential! raspberry noises To show what a slave to the corporate machine he is he made a print that was comprised of his name.  Not just initials like S.A., but the whole name…with a heart for the “O”.  What are we, in 4th grade? (Sorry Gracie, you would have more taste…)  The judges tripped over themselves loving this outfit.  I did like the jacket.  I’ll give him that.

If you suspect that my personal distaste for Emilio is coloring my attitude towards his designs… yes, yes it is.  And there is no one up to pushing him out of the top three.  Mila could be a surprise contender, assuming none of the remaining challenges involve color.  If Emilio has to make something other than a dress, we could see another epic fail.  But the producers have their hands in up to their elbows.  They’ll work the challenges so Emilio makes it.

Bring on the Silly

Was it just me, or was that possibly one of the most boring episodes EVER!

So, they tried to put them in pairs to see what kind of bitchy chaos would ensue.  The problem was that the only team with any animosity was Mila and Jay…and they showed their dislike for each other by not speaking.  Wow.  Compelling television.   Well, Anthony was a little steamrolled by Maya, but they both liked each other.  And the bromance between Emilio and Seth Aaron was just so heartwarming.  retching noises

I am soooo over Emilio,  although, I doubt he will ever be over himself.  He really wanted to do well in this challenge to make his people proud.  What people?  Narcissistic posers?  raspberries I realize it takes a huge amount of self confidence and ego to take on a creative field like fashion, and stand up and say “I’m good at this!”  But normally it is tempered my a certain amount of crippling self doubt.  It’s what makes artists bearable.  Not so much Emilio.  What sealed the deal was him laughing about pairing Jay and Mila.  At that point I was praying Mila would kick his ass in the challenge, and it takes a lot for me to wish anything positive for Mila.

And would someone please explain the sudden proliferation of cardigan sweaters to me?  Forgive me for not trusting the fashion sense of men wearing Mr. Rogers’ wardrobe.  I want my designers to look like designers, not dentists.

We didn’t need the edit this time to figure out who would be in the top and bottom.  Due to the pairings, we knew all of them would be on the runway at the end.  Maybe that is part of what made it so boring.

Emilio and Seth Aaron:

Inspiration:  Harlem.

Emilio was the team leader, but Seth Aaron won the challenge for him.  S.A. pulled the denim suit out in a flash while Emilio made a, wait for it…dress!  But wait…Seth Aaron made a jacket and pants!  NO WAY!  I didn’t know he could do that!  Time to mix it up a little buddy boy.  Not that it wasn’t a lovely outfit.  No one can sew faster than S.A..  And as always the fit was impeccable.  But the Rocker Pantsuit look is getting a little like a broken record.

As for Emilio’s dress, I don’t know what the judges found so amazing about it.  It was a dress we have seen a zillion times before, but with a zipper down the front.  wow i am so impressed.  The tailoring was atrocious.  The lining didn’t sit well with the fabric, which was way too heavy and crisp for a Billie Holliday type dress.  There was puckering all over the place, and from Emilio I expect way better.

But this wins.  Go figure.

Anthony and Maya

Inspiration:  Chinatown

Anthony did an inspired job on the dress.  I agreed that some color in the accents would have been nice.  A very interesting technique honey combing it like that.  You always have to worry with Anthony.  He can take things too far.  But Maya kept him on his best behavior by hovering over him like a first time mother.  Talk about a control freak.

Maya was in charge of the second look, and I am not a fan.  I think the jacket looks old, or like a restaurant uniform.  And the skirt didn’t match the jacket.  Though I think the skirt on its own was pretty cool.  Again, the judges liked the wrong outfit.  Go figure.

Jay and Mila:

Inspiration:  Lower East Side

Poor Jay.  He about swallowed his tongue when he was forced to work with Mila.  I can’t say that I blame him.  Even when she is working with someone else she still manages to make black and white color blocking.  AAARRRGGGHHH!  Do the judges say anything?  No.  But they might have been too distracted by Jay’s…well, I guess it might be considered an outfit.  If you call a boob revealing tank top with a pair of chicken thigh pants an outfit.

The color blocking must stop.  IT MUST STOP.  She tried to break it up a little with the fire engine red panty hose (’cause that is something a regular woman would be caught dead in. cough cough).  I was upset that they never asked the model to take off the coat.  For all we know the model was naked under that thing.  Mila said it was a dress, but she would say she was a man if she thought it would get her through to the next round.

When Jay fails, he fails big.  He did not disappoint.  There was nothing interesting, well made, or fashionable about that thing.    The only thing that saved him was that there was a worse pair of outfits.

Amy and Jonothan:

Inspiration:  Upper East Side.

Well, at least they finished both of them.

Amy went home on the back of the shirt dress that was neither a shirt, nor a dress.  Molly Simms complained that no one can wear that color, although that didn’t seem to matter last week with Jonothan’s dress.  But why should consistency matter in the judging?   It was a shame, because Amy worked so hard on the pleating, and you could barely even see it.  If you are doing Upper East Side it has to be sleek, stylish and more than anything have the appearance of luxury.  This has nothing of the sort.

Jonothan’s wasn’t much better.  The nude shade under the black looked cheap.  The front panel was done nicely, but not perfectly.  And you could barely see it because of the bizarre side panels.  The boy can do better.  And he had better next time, or they will leave as three and come home as two.

Amy got the auf.  I think the memory of the clown fish scale pants really worked against her.

Note to producers:  pairing them off when there are only 8 designers left doesn’t work so well.  It’s great when there are like 34 designers and you need to whittle it down a little.  Not so fun when they are getting to crunch time.  They all need to be captains of their own destiny at this point.

Note to readers:  sorry this posting is so lame.  But like I said, I found the episode quite snoozey.

Elementary, My Dear…

Oh No!!  They showed Ben on the phone with his partner!!  Be afraid Ben, be very afraid!

We are down to the last 9, and things are starting to get ugly (especially some of the garments).

There is something about getting past the top ten that either inspires designers to reach new heights of taste and style, or makes them panic and turn into raving lunatics.  This episode, we saw both.  The designers were tasked with making a garment inspired by one of the four elements: earth, wind, fire, and water (the lesser known member of the group who left before they really took off).  From the get go I figured this one would have some epic fails.  It did not disappoint.

I have to take issue with the fast and loose aspect of the inspirations.  Mostly it came down to:  make you design and then contort the inspiration until it fits what you made.  Hey, we’ve all done it.  But here…they all done it, with the possible exception of Jay, who made a tornado dress.   It  looked like it had literally survived one, as in it looked like it had been ripped off a laundry line and dragged through mud and sludge. But he had immunity so they just let him on through.

Emilio never wants to go into a hardware store again…believe us Emilio…we all pray for that.  He skated through because nothing could look as awful as last week’s stripper chain mail.  Back to pretty dresses where he belongs.

My favorite, Anthony, made it through as well.  I do take issue with him making a dress inspired by fire that was black and grey.  But when he explained that the inspiration was the charred remains of his pastor’s house after it was burnt down by an arsonist, I was willing to cut him some slack.  Let’s be honest, I am always willing to cut him some slack.

On to the stratosphere:

Maya

So, this was inspired by water.  Big Muddy apparently.  I know, I know.  You can’t be too literal in these things.  But who is really inspired by muddy water?  No one.  Maybe a noodler, or a leech, but other than that, no one.

I can see the movement in the sleeves, but honestly, it came off as sloppy.  As always, the edges weren’t surged.  Maybe it’s just me, but the little frays and flyaways really distract me from the garment.  It makes it look too home-ec projecty for me.  But this is something the judges have let slide from the beginning, so who am I to complain.

The cowl on the back was a nice touch, though it didn’t match the feel of the exposed zipper.  The tailoring on Emilio’s piece was far superior.

Nina had to throw in there that it looks too Nina Ricci.  Then don’t put her in the top three.  Oh, wait, you wouldn’t get to wow us with your superior fashion knowledge if she isn’t up there for you to make the comment.  Now I see how this works.

Seth Aaron:

He continues to surprise.  Again, you don’t look at this and say “Yup.  Wind.”  But this is a gorgeous coat:  something we are finding he excels at.   His inspiration was looking out (into the wind, I guess) over the city and seeing the stars.  I don’t know what crack he’s smoking that you can see stars over New York at night.  If they move they are airplanes, if they don’t, they are cell towers.  We can only see three stars at night here in Chicago, and they have much more light pollution than we do (they win again!).

(I return to you after losing half of my stupid work because my stupid router lost the stupid connection to when I stupid saved it the whole stupid thing was stupid lost.  Feel free to substitute f*#%/ing in the appropriate places.  CURSE YOU NETGEAR!)

How this man can make black leather feminine and flowy is beyond me, but he does.  And while the front of the coat is gorgeous, you don’t really catch the inspiration until the model turned around.  The collar and the bottom show his inspiration perfectly.  I could take or leave the pants, though ze French judged loved them (after all, ‘e iz french).  I wish that Seth Aaron wouldn’t use black, I think we lose a lot b/c black is just too damn hard for them to photograph on the runway.  But we aren’t the ones he has to impress.

The Winner!

Jonothan

Well, the boy was due.  Not that he had a lot of designs before that blew my socks off, but statistically, he was due.  This was a perfectly lovely dress.  Inspiration:  Wind.  Wanted the model to be “enveloped in laughter”.  Not the bodily wind my boys would have chosen (can you say “pull my finger”), and again, quite a stretch in the interpretation department.

Not much new here.  We have seen this dress before, though not with the shoulder halo connecting to the model’s hair.  Good luck sitting down in that!  The visual interest came from sewing layers of fabric together and then cutting away sections to reveal varying texture and colors.  The judges kept tripping over themselves to compliment his color choice, and how it complimented the model’s skin tone.  Whoopie.  Any normal woman would look like sh*t in those colors.  I guess that one day hanger appeal is in, and the next, it’s out.

I would have given this one to Seth Aaron.  The tailoring and originality beat Jonothan hands down.

The Dregs…

Mila

FINALLY!!  They called her on being a one hit wonder, a one trick pony, a monochromatic mess.  About time, people, about time.  I didn’t find her earth inspired separates as offensive as the judges, but it was pretty snooze inducing.  I did like the “sleeveless jacket” (Mila, honey,  it’s called a v-e-s-t), and I am always a fan of well made pants.  But again, this was a do-whatever-you-want challenge, and you can’t get away with ready to wear separates for that.

Amy

Holy F*@%ing God!  What strange mythical creature is attacking that poor model’s breasts!!!  Someone help her!  Oh wait…Calm down, calm down…it is just a Jessica Simpson fake ponytail run amuck.  Whew, that was a close one.

This goes down as one of the greatest “what the f*@% was she thinking”s of all time.  “I thought it would be neat to have her hair fill the bowl.”  Really?  I’ll let you in on a little something, Amy:  I cannot think of any scenerio where having someone’s hair fill any kind of bowl is a good idea, especially one that involves boobs.  Not a good combo.  And shame on the Garnier hottie for not talking her out of it.  Shame!

If it were just the sling, but it’s not!  The catsuit/jumpsuit thingy is not fit properly.  The crotch is all over the place, the sling didn’t stay up, and there was nothing to it.

And where is the fire inspiration in this?  In the…maybe if you…what about…nope.  Don’t see it.  She wanted something along the lines of controlled chaos.  Well, I could barely control keeping my dinner down when I saw it.  Does that count?  I think a hooker look would have been an improvement.

Ben (aka Doug, ’cause I can never remember his name and that’s what I always call him when talking to my sister.)

Wow.  You really shouldn’t make your first pant suit for a Project Runway challenge.

The editors totally gave this one away by having him tearily talk to his partner on the phone. Kiss of death, son.  Kiss of death.

He did deserve to go home.  Inspiration:  water.  So, let’s go with great white sharks, yeah, that’s the ticket.  This is one of the few cases where Seth Aaron’s design would have been a better choice for someone else.

Where to begin?  The jock strap pant?  I wanted to yell at Nina that Madonna inspired a whole generation of young girls to wear their underwear as outerwear.  But no matter how loud I scream she never listens.  I seem to remember wishing she would come back…what was I thinking?  But back to what’s-his-name’s design.  It was the wrong color, the wrong fit, the wrong idea and the wrong execution.  The fact that a panel of four people found this more crappy than a hairy boob sling shows you just how uninspiring it was.

Next week:  the biggest PR challenge ever.  When did they hire the marketing team from ER?  But it’s a team challenge and I love team challenges and now we’re down to the really strong personalities so this should be good.  Evil laughter

Hard to Wear

Okay,

I am so tired from staying up to watch the Oscars, and heaving myself through the Pinewood Derby this weekend (Luge won a medal…we are so proud), that the Project Runway blog will be highly disappointing.  Suck it up.

So, this was another unconventional materials project.  They tromped everyone down to the local boutique hardware store (are you allowed to even operate a hardware store in New York?) and gave them $150 to whip up something for the runway.  Imagine how much farther their shopping dollar would have gone if they had gone to Lowe’s.  Emilio might have had enough material to make a dress, but more about that later.

First off, I would like to express how disappointed I am with the judging on this one.  They were WRONG WRONG WRONG.  Not just who went home, but who was in the top.  I will show you who the judges put in the top.  Then you will see who deserved to  be there.  They got one of them right…

The boring part:

The top three.

Maya

I don’t know what the judges are thinkin’ about, but it sure ain’t fashion.  WTF?  This looks like a bad Halloween costume.  A sheath dress underneath an Elvira meets Nosferatu inspired “jacket”.  I will agree that the key necklace was pretty cool.  But the rest of this was predictable and UGLY!  I won’t even dignify this outfit with more outrage.

Should have been:

Jonothan

Copper flashing and tape?  Holy Cow!  The model looks gorgeous, and there is so much visually interesting about the dress without it coming off as just busy.  Look at the construction…how the hell did he do that?

Moving right along…

Okay, this weird love of Mila has gone too far.  I just want to go down there and strangle the lot of them with a color blocked scarf.  This is just nasty.  A corset made out of paint tray liners.  How this didn’t end up with the model cut to shreds I’ll never know.  The corset is ugly, the top doesn’t make any sense, and I am just so sick of seeing this same look reworked:  Did Seth Aaron’s last look make a baby with a plastics factory?  She has about as much originality as Michael Kor’s signature black uniform.  Enough.  ENOUGH!

Should have been:

Amy

Sandpaper as material was flipping brilliant.  It looked like leather, and the construction was great.  It is hard to see in the photo, but she used different gauges of paper to create texture in the color blocking (take a lesson Mila!)  While the breast fan wasn’t my favorite…it was an amazing achievement sadly overlooked by the judges.

At least they got the winner right:

Jay

It is true that they have seen many a garbage bag come down the runway (intentional or otherwise), but Jay threw down a bin liner outfit that will never be equalled.  How did he make it look like leather?  Insane.  And while I feel that the top was so so, the pants win it for him hands down.  Bravo.

And now for the bottom of the barrel.

Poor Anthony.  It is a pretty little dress.  It’s a little prommy…but to make that out of hardware supplies was a pretty nifty feat.  Of course the judges thought that it was too soft and pretty.  It was, after all a hardware challenge.  So…no props for taking something hard and making it look like real fabric?  Nope.  Without actually telling the contestants, they were judging on whether or not it looked “hardware”.  Whatever.  This wasn’t the worst look (cough, cough, Emilio), and I wouldn’t have put it in the bottom three.  But he made it through so I won’t complain.

Now THIS… I will complain long and loud about this.

Seriously Emilio?

Another hooker outfit.  This from the man who was upset with the challenge because he makes “beautiful dresses”.  Well, he’d better, because he makes crappy stripper outfits, oh, sorry, swimsuits.  He didn’t come back from the store with nearly enough stuff to construct and actual article of clothing.  However, that didn’t stop him from spending hours trying to macrame together something with his neon pink cording and washers.  He came up with stripper chain mail.  Never mind that the whole thing is almost obscene.  Never mind that it is sinfully ugly.  Never mind that no self respecting stripper would ever wear this nightmare.  He tried to make it acceptable by lying that he figured everyone else would make a dress so he thought he would make a swimsuit.

—

—

Oh, I’m sorry…the tears of laughter are blurring my eyesight.  It’s hard to type.

This is the ugliest thing I can ever remember coming down the runway.  Nina kinda liked it.  Nina is f&@*ing insane.

But instead of sending this ever loving piece of sh*t home they finally decided to get rid of:

Poor Capt Jack.  This isn’t his best work…bubble skirts never are.  But he should be spitting nails that Emilio was given a Mulligan and he is back to mugging it up at Disney.  AArrgg.

Notes:

The producers must occasionally read this blog, b/c my surefire edit read didn’t work this week.  No more giving away my secrets.

If they don’t start calling Mila on being a one trick pony I am going to go insane.

Romper Room on Crack

Late because the Olympics are sucking the life out of me.  I can’t wait for NBC to lose the contract so ESPN can take over and broadcast the games in the spirit of sports, not just marketing.  But that’s a subject for another post…

Ankle biters everywhere.

Now the pretty little dress theme moves to munchkins.  The designers were to make a fashionable, age appropriate outfit (read “dress”) for girls from 4 to 8 years old.  The little ladies were SO CUTE!  But there was the inevitable bitching from the designers about proportion and teeny tiny dress forms.  Jonathan is actually afraid of children.  Don’t let them know you’re afraid Jonathan!!  They can smell fear!!

We had the first impression of the season, with Jonathan’s Michael Kors.  Not bad.  Not bad at all.

Mila is feeling more love in the workroom.  Awww.  Good for her.  She also wins for stupidest sentence of the show:  “If there is a twist in this challenge.”  If…IF!  Oh you poor deluded girl.  There’s always a twist.  Which was, of course, a companion look (yawn).  I would have liked it better if the companion look had been for the little model’s twin brothers.  But alas, if the big models aren’t in the show, then there is no reason to film Models of the Runway.  So we knew the models would show up sooner or later.

The Crier was worried.  Yeah, they showed you crying on the phone to your husband…any personal back story is the kiss of death, sweetie.  Be worried.

Let’s start this parade, shall we?

The Gifted Program:

Capt Jack

Are they serious? This?

Granted, cutest little red jacket EVER!  Can I get one of those?  But what was with the kaddiewompus waistline?  I had an almost irresistable urge to straighten the dress.  Could you imagine feeling that every time you looked at your kid?  Would kinda take the fun out of a day in the city, wouldn’t it?

The real problem is the mom’s outfit.  What’s with the rick rack red piping and the buttons?  And, while it may have seemed the perfect choice, why would you use the same belt that Ben used in his look last challenge?  The colors were dirty and gross, and I wold have NEVER put this in the top three.

But they don’t ask me.

Moving on…

Jay

How adorable is this?!?!?!?!  I love the colors.  They were perfect for the mom who is sick of pink (and they all eventually get sick of pink).  Jay really nailed it:  age appropriateness, silhouette, the kangaroo pocket, everything.  I think the mom’s top could have fit better.  But other than that, this was amazing.

It’s hard to believe that there was a better look.  But there was.  Oh yes, there was.

Seth Aaron

Seth Aaron has been growing on me lately, and these looks are going to help immensely.   It was obvious that he came from a space that included a daughter.  When he mentioned he had made a purse I knew that his model would love it.  I know that mine can’t resist a t shirt with a stupid plastic toy attached to it.  And no self respecting girl could resist a clutch purse.  It’s genetic.

It was sassy without being too mature.  It had layers and interest and would make a little girl feel all grown up.  Loved it.

The best thing about his looks were that that mom would definitely buy that outfit for her imaginary daughter.  But they weren’t clones of each other, like Jay’s was.  I did have an issue with the gun barrel bangs he put on the mom:  no mom has that much time to spend on her hair.  The jacket would now be hanging in my closet if I could figure out how to steal it from the Lifetime studio.  What a collar!  And it fit her like it was made for her…a strange oddity on a show where all the clothes are custom made for the models.

Congratulations, Seth Aaron.

The Remedial Runway:

Jonathan

The designer that is afraid of children made an outfit that would scare children.  Makes sense.

Is the mom shedding her scales, or is it winter dry skin?  Yikes.  The girl’s dress would have been cuter without the bolero, I like the colors and the shape.   However, nothing could make me forgive the “kleenex dispenser” aspect to both pieces.  This is where that editorial eye that Tim Gunn is always going on about would come in handy.

Hard to believe that the outfits get worse, but they do…

Amy

My eyes!

She went big.  She went all the way out on the very skinniest end of the limb.  And as my children would say:  epic fail.

I liked the layering for the girl.  The judges thought it was too much, but my boys have worn more layers than that, so the judges are a little out of touch on that one.  The obvious deal breaker on this one is those pants!  THOSE PANTS.

Comments were mostly about the colorway not working.  Really.  The colors are what bother you about that outfit.  It couldn’t be that she looks like the snakes kids draw in preschool?  It isn’t that the pants stop at the knee, which must be about as comfortable as wearing one of the crotch hemmed dresses?  It isn’t the fact that the “petals”(read scales) actually get smaller as you work down the pants, so that the model looks broad across her abs and HIPPIE?  Or the fact that none of the edges on the pants or the skirt were finished?  Hmm.  Okay.

And the outfit that was actually worse than Amy’s was:

The Crier

As Tim put it, she really rocked Halloween on that one.

It is actually a really cute outfit for a little girl.  Especially girls that are too big for Emilio’s outfit (hello Easter Parade), but not quite ready for the full-on Brittney Spears look.  It was just woefully under designed.  You could easily find these looks at Penny’s, especially the mom look.  Yeesh.  Could she have made a less flattering jacket?

They sure gave her something to cry about.

Note to Producers:

Unless I missed it, I did not hear Tim Gunn say “make it work” this episode.  I bet he copyrighted it and now they have to pay him extra if they use it in the show.  So instead they have decided to include any time he says “circus clothes”.  “Make it work” is much better.  You’re making a fortune off this show.  Pay the man and include the damn catch phrase already.

Note to Designers:

Thank you.  Thank you.  (pants)

On Empty

That’s it.  They have officially run out of ideas for challenges on Project Runway.

Sorry guys, no matter how many times you try to ram it down my throat that this is the BIGGEST reward in the history of Project Runway, you cannot make me forget that you are having Heidi, your executive producer/spokesmodel/judge for life wearing the winning project on the cover of Marie Claire, the magazine that sponsors your show.   Gee, did you bang that one out during a coffee break, or did it take a whole half hour lunch?  Must have been tough to get everyone to agree, I mean since you all have an economic interest in the show succeeding.  Please.

Soon it will be like Dirty Jobs, when they come on at the end and beg for ideas.

There was little in the way of chatter on the show this week, unless you count Seth Aaron’s stream of consciousness babbling, or Mila’s self indulgent rant about no one congratulating her on last week’s top three finish. sniffle sniffle

Apparently the designers listen to directions about as well as my kids.  The Marie Claire editor was very specific about what the designers needed to consider:  most cover shots are from above the waist, don’t use black, it needs to pop on the newstand, and remember, they will write all over the cover, sometimes over the model, so no prints.

List of those for whom the best part of the dress was at or below the waist:  Capt. Jack, Jay, Amy, Jonathan, Mila

List of those who used a neutral color palate (aka no pop):  Mila, Jonathan, Maya, The Crier, Jay.

List of those who used black and/or prints:  Amy, who holds the honor of being the only person to use black and a print in the same dress.

List of outfits more suited for the Ice Capades:  Emilio and Jonathan.

And we’re off…

The bottom:

Mila decided to make a landing strip straight to the model’s crotch.  This, of course, after wrapping her in an Ace bandage. Mila’s excuse was that the beige looked a lot more peachie in the workroom.  Sweetie, more peach really wasn’t going to save you in this instance.

Bandage dresses can work (look at Herve Leger if you have any doubts) but this one simply doesn’t.  There were construction issues:  puckered seams everywhere you look, none of the points lined up, and why would you put a brown triangle in that spot?  Why?

There was a certain joy to watching the judges take her down a notch or two.  It’s no secret that I’m not a fan of her work.  If we’re lucky this experience will slap the snooty out of her.  Yeah, I doubt it too.

NEXT!

The Crier

She didn’t burst out into all out tears, but she was on the verge throughout almost the entire episode.  She correctly foresaw that she would be in the bottom two.  But then again, anyone who paid attention to her fabric choices knew that would happen.  To say it was a little bridal is like saying Heidi is a little preggos.

Where to begin?  The model looked more like she was upholstered than dressed.  Heavy fabric with scalloped seams that just about met up at the waistline.  There was a badly executed sidefall hem, and then some sort of kleenex meets kelp treatment on the shoulders.  Her inspiration was the ocean (sure…when I think Heidi I think…yeah…not the ocean).  The only thing it had in common with the sea is that it makes me sick.

She was saved by the fact that she hadn’t been in the bottom three before.  In fact, I doubt Michael or Nina was even sure who she was.  If she had had even one oops before this, she would have been gone.

Unfortunately, the auf’ed did spend some time in the bottom before:

Anna(rexic)

Well, she spent a lot of time on the shorts.  That was time well spent.

cough cough

I have to say, this is a really cute look for my 12 year old niece.  The little tank top is adorable.  Would you ever use Heidi and adorable in the same sentence?  “Heidi’s baby is adorable.”, is the best I can come up with.   If you could think of a way to make it a little older and a lot more sexy she might have been onto something.

My auf vote would have gone to The Crier.  Yes, Anna’s was too young and shapeless, but it was beautifully sewn.  The Crier’s was a mess from soup to nuts.  I see a cab ride to JFK in her future.

Upwards:

Emilio

Seriously?  All I could think of was Sasha Cohen

(she’s an Olympic ice skater), and how cute that would look in the junior’s department.

The judges liked it so much that they had Emilio whip out a pair of sheers and cut the straps off.  Huh?  How could you put it in the top three and them have him CUT THE STRAPS OFF?  I don’t understand these judges.  Does this mean that the field was so weak that to round out the top three they had to pick the one they didn’t like the least?  Oi.

At least he had been paying attention during the instructions:  the lacing detail would show up well on a cover, it popped, and it would be a great color on Heidi.  The one thing he paid no attention to was the fact that when she would wear this, she would be nursing.  The girls would jump out of there like my boys in a bouncy house.  There isn’t enough wardrobe tape in the New York Metropolitan area to keep them in the top of that dress (especially since it now lacks straps).

Speaking of color:

Ben is finally starting to show who he is as a designer.  While I know that this wasn’t everyone’s favorite, I really liked it.  Heidi can pull off “constructed” like no other, and this took a deconstructed idea, and gave it a solid feel.  Another thing I appreciated was that the skirt was longer than legally necessary.

The construction was flawless and very detailed.  This colorwork put Mila to shame:  rich, luxurious.  Very well played Ben, well played.

And the winner is:

ANTHONY!!

Golf clap

Now, I will admit my bias for Anthony up front.  He is my favorite personality on the show, and I would love to see him stick around as long as possible.  How do you not love someone who reads the Bible half naked in bed and then uses it to hit Jay awake?

I was concerned when I saw his sketch for this one.  It was two toned and a lot more ruffley.  But he took Tim’s advice, leaving off anything it didn’t need, and it turned out extremely well.

The strap is perfect for a magazine cover.  It would have texture and shadow and gives a hint as to what the dress would be like, without giving it all away.  The color was perfection, on Heidi and just about any other woman.  The back was a little weak…there were tiers that didn’t match up, but who’s gonna see the back?  (I’m very forgiving with my Anthony)

Notes to the Producers:

Once again I could tell who was going to be left on stage by the edit before the first commercial break.  I am never sure why they will be there, but I can always give you at least three people that will be sweating it out on the runway after the judging.

Seth Aaron and Anna(rexia) came through for me and made pants.  But I am seriously up to here with the pretty dresses challenges.  (I am as sick of saying it as you are of hearing it.)  Some of that is the challenges themselves, and some of that is the time constraints.  I would like to see them get some more time and really show us what they can do.  I have to admit that I don’t understand the need to have 12 hour time frames.  I’m sure it creates more drama and more people teetering on the edge of not finishing, but it means that most of them send pretty crappy stuff down the runway.  Michael Kors couldn’t design the jeans he wears in 12 hours, let alone design, sew and accessorize them and make a shirt too so the model doesn’t go down topless.

So, my sister and I came up with some challenges that we would like to see:

Bridal gown.  Our twist…tell them they can’t use white or ivory or cream or bone or…you get the idea.  Think of the points of view we would get in that challenge (the plaid punk extraveganza Seth Aaron would produce would be reason enough in this season).

Hand sewing.  Tell them they can make whatever they want, but it has to be hand sewn.  That would inspire some serious panic.

Uniform.  They have done a postal uniform and an outfit for the opening ceremonies of the Olympics.  What about UPS?  C’mon, you should be able to think of something.

Next show…kids challenge.  This should be awful.  I would hate to be the schmuck that goes home because of this one.  I’m going with Mila, since colorwork is hard to do on such a small scale.  Also because she will probably scare the shit out of whatever poor little girl is her model.  I just don’t see her having a warm fuzzy side.  At least we can assume there will be more pretty dresses.  Jonathan must be kicking himself for using the romper idea this week…