Whaaaaat?!…

Before I start on the Halloween post I wanted to just get this one out of the way.

That was the most uninspired finale I have seen since Irena won.  It might be the saddest runway finale collections ever.  I expected a lot from these guys (except Gretchen).  Mondo is a color genius.  Andy makes such strong clothing.  Gretchen is, well, Gretchen.

So, color genius…what’ve you got for me? (excited little claps)

Mondo Guerra Finale Photos  

Mondo Guerra Finale Photos  

Mondo Guerra Finale Photos  

Mondo Guerra Finale Photos  

Mondo Guerra Finale Photos 

Mondo Guerra Finale Photos  

 

Mondo Guerra Finale Photos
Mondo Guerra Finale Photos  

Mondo Guerra Finale Photos  

Mondo Guerra Finale Photos

What?  This?  You’re joking, right?  Your real collection will be coming any second, right…

I am sorry, belts, the trim on the ankle boots, one tunic and one blue shirt?  This is color?  This is disappointment expressed through polka dots.

Are those wound balls of human hair on their heads?  What’s with all the fiddly bits up there?  I remember the judges specifically telling him to edit those down in the last episode.  There is being true to yourself as a designer and then there is just plan old not listening.

Mondo should have walked away with this competition.  He has vision, true talent, and is cute as a button.  But he went black and white.  BLACK AND WHITE!  A lot of the proportions were simply wacky and unflattering.  Especially the houndstooth high waisted pants.  Thanks for the giant “V” to the crotch Mondo (that’s sarcasm in case you missed it).  The Day of the Dead shirts were fine, but they didn’t really make any sense.   And no matter how much I, Coach, Heidi, Jessica Simpson (I’ll get to her, don’t worry) LOVED the last dress, it couldn’t make up for the whole lotta nothing that went down the runway before it.  This collection from another designer would be great.  From Mondo, it came off forced and hesitant.

Alright.  Andy.  Let’s see what kick-ass clothes you came up with…

Andy South Finale Photos  

Andy South Finale Photos  

Andy South Finale Photos  

Andy South Finale Photos  

Andy South Finale Photos  

Andy South Finale Photos  

Andy South Finale Photos  

Andy South Finale Photos

Are you kidding me?  Apparently if you are importing Laotian fabrics they only let you pick silver and green.   When you think Asian-inspired, do you think muted color palette?  I could imagine this collection with a whole range of colors like the green and it is soooo much better than this monochromatic disaster.

That’s not to say that there weren’t some gorgeous pieces.  The bathing suit ensemble was so sexy and original I wish I was 21 again.  The dresses, especially the one shoulder piece, were sinfully elegant and yet completely wearable.  But Andy went way off his warrior woman aesthetic and I found that disappointing.  Just because they can’t all be suits of armor doesn’t mean that they have to be this soft.  I thought the green jacket the judges went ga-ga over was poorly constructed.  I was thoroughly unimpressed by the deconstructed separates, and felt that some of the fabrics looked a little too reception-hall-drapey

Most distracting were the little orbiting-planet head pieces.  A few of them were pretty.  Putting them on all the models was overkill.

Alright, two disappointing collections down, one more to go.  There is no way Gretchen could disappoint, since I expect nothing good to come out of her…

Gretchen Jones Finale Photos  

 

 

Gretchen Jones Finale Photos  

 

 

Gretchen Jones Finale Photos  

 

 

Gretchen Jones Finale Photos  

 

 

Gretchen Jones Finale Photos  

 

 

Gretchen Jones Finale Photos  

 

 

Gretchen Jones Finale Photos  

 

 

Gretchen Jones Finale Photos  

 

 

Gretchen Jones Finale Photos  

 

 

Gretchen Jones Finale Photos

Wow.  I  am disappointed.

Wait, I think I have seen this collection somewhere before?…  Ah yes,                   the 1978 JC Penny catalogue.  WTF?

Problems:

  1. Color palette.  Yes, nothing says fashion forward like pukey neutrals.
  2. Diapers.  Never a good look on ANYONE.
  3. Jeepers Creepers hats.  The scarecrow look has never been “in”.
  4. The shoes.  Awful.  Just awful.
  5. The pants the judges loved looked like the model had peed latex down herself.

Highlights.  The first dress.  That’s it.  What?  You like the jewelry?  So what?  This is a garment competition.  Who gives a crap about the jewelry?

Overall a very lackluster performance.  I was shocked at how little I cared about who won while watching these come down the runway, which was a good thing since Coach ruined the ending for me with an untimely email (I time shifted).  I cared so little that when I first posted this I didn’t even mention that Gretchen won.  Yes, Gretchen.  That mess won.  So what does this tell us about the judging?

I have to protest Jessica Simpson being the guest judge for the finale.  There are very few people less fashion-challenged than Ms. Simpson.  She usually looks terrible and that is with the aid of stylists.  When this much is at stake they need to have someone respected in the fashion industry at the wheel, not a pop star.

Nina and the Duchess might be a bit past their date as well.  Heidi is driving me nuts.  I like that she stood up for Mondo.  I also really enjoyed the producers showing more of the judging.

Who would I have given it to?  No one.  I would have sent them all home to start over.  Think they would let me?

‘Till next cycle…

Auf Wiedersehen

I Gave Birth to a Chinese Prostitute

After listening to Gretchen prattle on about how she “deserves to be here” retching noises and then wondering how it is that her still being here means she deserves it, but somehow Rerun’s presence is just an accident?  I thought “to hell with everyone but Mondo!  I hate them all!”  Then Rerun has to go on and on about how talented Mondo is without a hint of politics or self importance and I realize that I have to like him too even though I don’t want to.

Time to wow the judges folks.  Time to take it all the way to fashion week people!

So, lets pick black, black, and more black.  And I know, let’s pick a bridge, yes…two of you, for inspiration.  Or let’s do something like a whole park, or a whole neighborhood.  Wait, wait!  I know, make a dress inspired by a dress!  That’s the ticket.  These people are soooo snoozy!

These guys had $500 to make an outfit and they all come out with cocktail dresses?  Separates?  Are  you f*cking kidding me?  Go crazy!  Pull some color!  Some feathers!  SOMETHING!

Everything about this show was tired.  The designers are tired, the judges are tired, the producers are tired, Swatch (the Mood dog) is tired…

And the product placement is KILLING ME.  Do the designers really need to know how the hairstylist is going to create their style using all these (insert close up of green bottles here) Garnier products (spokesmodel arm sweep)?  Seriously, whores, can’t we have one episode without the gratuitous shots of the hp tablets, or the pimping of the Piper Lime wall?

Problems:

  • Gretchen in velvet harem pants.  MY EYES!
  • Andy’s Cool Whip mohawk hairdo.  DON’T!  And no more corsages.  No More.
  • Mondo as a punk Little Rascal?  Please.
  • Rerun, you want to know if they like your look?  Of course they don’t.  They think you’re an idiot.  Grow a Pair!
  • Was April featured in this episode at all?  AND STOP WITH THE BLACK

Not a Problem:

    Welcome back my little fierce one!  Christian Soriano was our guest judge.  Love you!  So joining the gay round table.

    I could show you all the tired looks:  April with an asymmetrical black dress, Mondo with wacky prints, Andy with the Matrix warrior, Gretchen with the “what the hell was that?” and Rerun with a dress that everyone though was crap that the judges loved.  But I won’t.

    April was auf’d, and I have to say that as much as I hate to see Gretchen go, April had run her course.  A witch outfit collection would have seriously sucked, and I doubt she had anything else in her.

    So what does this mean?  HOME VISITS!

    Yes my lovelies, next week (okay, later today) we get to see Tim Gunn verbally abuse the contestants at their homes while they scheme to get him to participate in ridiculous tasks such as trampolines and biscuit cookery.

    Let the games begin.


    …and I don’t like steak

     

    Really?  Design for Heidi’s line for New Balance?  This PR group is the largest group of self-promoting whores I have ever seen!  Why can’t this PR people keep their personal shit out of the show!?!  The best part was everyone dissing on the designs Heidi showed them.  Sportswear is not normally the first thing you think of as fashion forward, but why should the producers care about that?  And really, this is about Heidi asserting her power over the show and the designers.

    Mondo showed his eye rolling side when dealing with his client/boss.  Gretchen was less than professional as well.  You might not like Heidi in the workroom, but she’s there, so you’d better deal with it.  And she is a bitch:  she will bring grudges into the judging, she will let her personal feelings effect her opinions on the work.  So you either let the model with the mean smile make, or break you.

    Speaking of bitches, thank god Ivy’s back.  cough cough Would it be possible for her to be a little more bitter?  Her speech about karma will bite someone in the ass, she just better worry that it’ll be her.

    A whole cast of characters came back from auf’d land to help make a zillion outfits for Heidi’s line.  There were three looks per designer, way too many to show here.  So here’s the bullet list

    • Mondo is so good.  He doesn’t look like someone trying to design clothes, he looks like someone who knows how to design clothes.
    • Gretchen is so full of herself it should almost be illegal.  “I’m surprised I’m in the bottom three.”  Yeah, we’re not.
    • April is married to black.  There needs to be a divorce in the works  or she will be auf’d soon.
    • Heidi is afraid of wearing little shorts?  What hope is there for the rest of us.  (little shorts manufactures around the world throw up a little in their mouths)
    • While Andy’s had a hint of Skeletor to them, they were super cute and I would wear all of them.
    • The Duchess didn’t like Christopher’s tie bottom pants, I really did.  When I saw them I thought “Neat.”  Other than that, I agreed with the judges.
    • Gretchen almost swallowed her tongue when Heidi had the audacity to compare her to Michael.  She also loves to tell the judges that she disagrees with them.  Not too smart, chicka.
    • Rerun’s Thanksgiving color palette didn’t do him any favors.  The poncho jacket would sell big numbers, but everything below the waist was a wasteland.

    Oh, and the whole cheating to do was a non issue, a non moment, and such a red herring that it was almost insulting as a viewer.  It was about wardrobe tape.  Wardrobe tape?  Are you kidding me?  Sometimes I really hate this show.

    Winner:

    Andy.

    Not to take anything away from Andy, but if Mondo hadn’t won three in a row, I think he would have taken it.

    Aufer:

    Christopher.  (And the remaining designers all looked like they had been forced to drink sour milk when they saw Rerun come through the door).

    I can’t imagine how it feels to be Rerun right now.  He has been attacked on all sides by all people and now he can’t take any happiness from hanging around.  Instead, he has to walk into that workroom with everyone making faces behind his back.  Even though I don’t always think he is a strong designer, he is a crazy strong person to be able to put up with this kind of pressure every day.  My hat’s off to him.  I don’t think I could do it.

    Next week they will all be under pressure and the judges won’t like some of their work…blah, blah, blah.  It won’t be hard for them to produce a better episode than this one.

    I would like to take a quick moment to comment on last week’s show.  It was one of the best I’ve seen, and I wish nothing but love for Mondo.

    Mondo 2, Mean Girls 0

    What?  Today’s episode hasn’t aired yet.

    I love Mondo.  I’m not sure it has anything to do with his point of view as a designer.  Instead I think I like him for the same reason I like RVing.  There is something very cool and endearing about regular things scaled down…like camper refrigerators and dinettes.  I just want to put the little guy in my pocket!

    He does also happen to be a pretty good designer.  He won the “haute couture inspired by crappy eyeshadow” challenge followed by the “surprise” “you also have to make a ready to wear look” by choosing bright:

    Home run.  The high fashion look was great, but the ready to wear was insanely good.  How do I get one in “normal person” size?  I need to give it to my friends who wear dresses!

    Bright suited everything about Mondo’s style.  Not only did he take on color and win, but the whole thing had a cheeky smile about it.  There were issues, and the judges called him on it.  But when you make your own silly hat, there is no way you’re going to lose.

    The runners up were Andy and Gretchen.  Which wouldn’t have been a problem if it weren’t for Gretchen’s garments:

    my mouth is hanging open, and I am speechless

    What exactly is this supposed to be?  Other than butt ugly, of course.  It is the schlumpiest dress I have ever seen.  The only thing that could make it uglier would be feather work.  Oh look, feather work.  eye roll

    The ready to wear was just as unflattering.  They had f-me slits up the sides.  Sorry, but ready to wear means that you can slap it on a hanger and sell it to the masses.  I would love to see someone sit down in that dress.  No way.

    The judges loved these.  Once again, they were wrong.

    Rerun, The Bridesmaid, and Ivy were the bottom.  Michael’s had the train from hell, but the fabric was great.  Of course, it had hip embellishments, and I am not a fan of those.  But I didn’t think he deserved to go home.

    The Bridesmaid and Ivy were left last on the runway.  Honestly, I would be happy to see the back of either of these girls.  If I have to listen the the Bridesmaid spew out one more confessional in her Valley Girl speak, I will go crazy.  But if she goes, we have to suffer through another week of Ivy’s ego.  Six of one, half dozen of the other I suppose.

    The Bridesmaid

    Ouch.

    The Miss Outer Space Virgin pageant called, they like your work.  It was the wrong fabric and the whole structured strap thingie was just all wonky.  Her inspiration was supposed to be crystal…I guess the chick that would pay for this might be named Crystal…

    Then there was this little nightmare.  See, there are crystals!  Right there, in a sad trail down the front!

    It was unbalanced, undesigned, and sad, sad, sad.

    Rolling along with the sad parade…

    How do you take such a pretty blue and make such a sloppy mess.  She was inspired by waves crashing or some such nonsense.  It looked like the high school cheerleading squad started to t.p. her dress with blue streamers before being scared off by the fashion police.  The construction on the back was lovely, but the rest of it was just limp.

    And this was her ready to wear.  Too short, too blue, same neckline, same problems.  Normally she can kick ass with her sewing, but this time everything failed her.

    Either one of these two could have gone home and I would have agreed.  But it was Ivy that got the auf.

    The real loser was April.  The girl was robbed.

    Apparently tonight is the “you stole my dress” episode.  evil laughter

    Jackie in the Park with Mesculin

    I realize that I have gotten terribly lazy with the posts about the Runway.  I don’t know if I have simply lost steam, or if I really just don’t care about anyone this cycle.  It just might be a little of both.

    Challenge:

    Make something Jackie Kennedy would wear today.  Well, she would be about 80 years old today.  Unless they wanted elastic waists, ruffle collared shirts and various things that would hide incontinence unmentionables, I assume they meant outfits that a young and fashionable Jackie would wear should she travel forward in time to today.

    It was an interesting challenge.  No one looked consistently better over her lifetime than Mrs. Kennedy (I am not sure why they left off the Onassis, but the producers did, so I will too).  PR bandies about the phrase “style icon” a little liberally, but in this case it’s true.

    So what do you make to dress a woman of such grace and elegance?

    Harem cargo pants?

    I give Andy cojones points for putting this down the runway.  It was certainly “him”.  But there was nothing Jackie about it.  Nothing.

    The fit was all wrong.  The crotchal region was all over the place.  And they all called him on it.  They also felt that the vest was “sad” (overused this cycle) and the top was ill-made.  Three for three.  But he made it through.

    Quote of the decade:  “Jackie Kennedy would not have camel toe”.  I love Tim Gunn!

    Maybe The Bridesmaid could pull out something better?

    Oh honey, do you really see Jackie in a spandex skirt?  She probably didn’t know what a man-made fabric was, so I doubt she would allow one to grace her person.  The color palette was the same purply aubergine and grey that The Bridesmaid seems so fond of that nobody else likes.

    The Bridesmaid made a coat, and then Tim Gunn told them they would need to make a complimentary outer wear piece for their look.  She couldn’t use the coat she had already made, so she was kind of screwed.  I don’t know what I would have done…does a hat count as  outer wear?  Instead of coming up with something innovative and interesting, she put a vest over the coat and the whole thing just turned out homeless hooker.

    Hard to believe it got worse than that.  But it did.

    Oh Michael.  Poor, sweet, delusional Michael.  Why would you create this garment?  Why would you create it for Jackie Kennedy?  Jackie O in a layered tank?  The former first lady in a drop waist curtain pleated skirt?  Was he high?  Doesn’t matter now:  He gone.

    A quick aside… Coach, if you need any good pot luck main dish recipes I know a couple of doozies.

    Christopher made the top with this little number

    Wait…he made it to the top three with THAT?  Seriously, this was the outfit that the judges put in the top three?  This one?  Right here?

    Wow.  There are so many things wrong with this I don’t even know where to start.  I don’t think the colors would have done anything for Mrs. Kennedy.  It was WAY too short, and had this weird scarf thingie coming off the one shoulder.  Don’t even get me started on the dead animal he bunched up around the model’s shoulders.  To me it looked like some kind of home made Xena costume.  Well, Halloween is coming up soon…

    The top two were much better.  Much much better.

    Ivy (aka LapDog)

    While making sure to hold up her end of the bitch pole this week, Lap Dog found the time to make one hell of an outfit.  This was a beautiful, interesting pairing.  Even without the over-the-top Jackie O styling you could see the former first lady in this.

    Beautifully made and just gob smacking stunning, this is her best garment yet.  I could take or leave the coat, though I did like her choice of color:  it broke up the severity of the black and white.

    I liked the winner the best

    Dear Mondo!  That sweet little waif of a boy has found his inner voice and started shrieking “I am here!”

    This won not just because it was Jackie-esque, but because it was that and Mondo.  If we had known nothing about who made what, when that garment came out you would know it was Mondo’s.  And that was what this challenge was about.  Make it timeless, but make it yours.  Who else would think to pair those patterns?  But it works, because it fits perfectly and looks expensive.

    Bravo, my darling.  Bravo.

    I will try to be more timely this week.  But with the start of the new schedule for every show I like, I don’t see that happening. But I will try.


    Balls to the Wall…

    Okay, okay, OKAY!  Here’s the PR post.  Sheesh, you would think there were more than just 8 people waiting to read this…

    Before we begin, I have to comment on the bizah teaser ad situation last week.  The ads for PR all showed snippets of someone accusing someone else of stealing their design.  They played ominous music and showed everyone looking very serious.  But then, the episode came and went without any mention of said plagurism.  Nothing.  Nada.  Which begs the question, did they run the wrong teaser?  Or did they cut out all the “s/he copied my dress” stuff on the advice of legal.  There is no way to know until either the episode runs, or doesn’t run.

    The challenge:  resort wear.  This was an opportunity for Michael Kors to charter a boat for the day and hand out aviator sunglasses that he “designed”.  Sorry to break it to you Michael, but the Navy beat you to it you self-promoting whore.

    They were all a little “so what” about the challenge until it became clear that a velvet bag was coming into play.  That means teams.  That means trouble.

    This time it meant that no one was going to sew their actual design.  Instead they would be the sample maker for another designer while overseeing the sample maker making their design.  Whew, that’s a mouth full.  Everyone quaked in silent horror waiting to see if they would be forced into being Rerun’s partner.  The honor went to Mondo, who instantly had a hissy fit and told Rerun just what he thought of him.  It was not nice, to say the least.  After getting the air all cleared, the two sat down and actually made a good team.  Mondo eventually ate his words about Rerun, and while we’re talking about eating could someone feed that boy?  He’s skinny enough to slide down the shower grate.

    The other team of note was Christopher and Ivy.  What a f*cking b*tch.  A perfectionist with control issues, she just about suffocated poor Christopher.  She dumbed down her design so much out of fear for his lack of skill that there was no design.  All the while she hovered over poor Christopher like a psychotic hummingbird.

    Other than that it was pretty snoozy.  Except of course when Casanova started talking about balls.

    The Winner:

    April

    This is why the judges should never be allowed in the workroom.  While I appreciated her goth-baby doll point of view, I firmly believe the only reason she won was because she and Kors agreed she should take another shot at “April makes a diaper”.  He was so impressed with her being on the same Duchess wavelength that there was no way she was going to lose.

    Andy…

    …should have won.  How do I get a hold of this outfit (and the bod to pull it off)?  Holy crap I loved this.  Look at those colors!  Look at the fit!  Love love love.  This is someone who is ready for champagne on a yacht in Monte Carlo.  And I want to be her.

    The also-ran was Christopher, which was interesting considering his partner was in the bottom.

    I wasn’t really thrilled with this look.  Maybe it played better in person.  It was pretty and all, lots interesting going on up top.  But he benefited from Ivy’s outstanding construction and it’s hard to benefit from a partner still twisting in the wind.

    Ivy was in the bottom with the colorless schmoo outfit.

    Wow, could you get more zzzzzzz inducing than this?  I like the color, but there was so MUCH of it.  To use Nina’s favorite word, it was a little “sad”.  What was truly sad was the way Ivy hurled Christopher onto the third rail.  Even sadder is Heidi’s reliance on a certain idiom involving a mode of public transportation.  Enough!

    The “skirt” was a joke.  The tank was only a tank.  True, Christopher said he wasn’t super confident in his pant tailoring skills, but he has made other, interesting garments.  She treated him like a Sewing 1 student.  A little trust would have gone a long way, baby.  And trashing your partner on the runway makes you look like a weasel.  You don’t want to look like a weasel on the runway, but maybe that’s just me.

    Mondo also ended up at the bottom of the heap.  But unlike Ivy he had nothing but good things to say about Rerun.

    There are fewer good things to say about this outfit.  It’s a little Junior like the Pope is a little Catholic.  My 12 year old niece could certainly rock this swimsuit.  The colors were too primary and too crazy.  I liked the idea, but it didn’t work.

    As for poor Casanova…

    I didn’t think it looked as old as the judges.  Does this really say seventy year old?  No, it doesn’t.  But it certainly doesn’t say resort either.  Unless you vacation at the library.  This was the time for Casanova to channel the slut/stripper aesthetic he showed in the first challenge.

    Adios, Casanova.  No one could butcher English the way you could.

    On to another episode.  I am noticing that the retrospectives on the auf’ed designer are getting longer the further we go.  Maybe 90 minutes is ambitious with just 9 designers.  At least their won’t be a team challenge next week:  odd number.


    A Cluster F*ck of Egos

    Don’t make Tim angry.  You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry.

    Finally a challenge worth watching.  Two teams of six.  Two collections.  Too many egos.

    The minute they picked the teams you knew who was going to win the challenge.  “The Island of Misfit Toys”, as my brother put it, walked away with this one.  What was truly hilarious was how blind to their own crapiness the “All Stars” were.  They couldn’t stop talking about how marvelously they were working together, and how superior their collection was.  Sure, they worked well together as long as they did what Gretchen wanted.  Keep the beast subdued and maybe they could get through the challenge.  Maybe…

    Nope.  They couldn’t.

    They chose to do a collection inspired by menswear for women and “camel”.  Can you hear me yawning from there?  Can you?  Menswear is the ultimate snooze of fashion, and camel is one shade away from beige.  They picked the ugliest fabrics, the worst print and a WTF collection came down the runway.

    I wish I could find something redeeming about these clothes.  Maybe…if you….perhaps…  Nope.  There’s nothing.  The last look was Rerun’s.  The other designers spent the entire show lamenting his lack of technical skill and design talent.  Yet he was the only one to put a wearable garment down the runway (his is the last one pictured).  Granted, it’s not going to blow anyone away, but at least it didn’t have you running for the loo.

    AJ was sent home after trading jabs with Gretchen on the runway.  He put forward the shirt dress (first picture) that was so crazy bad.

    What made all of this interesting was that they could not BELIEVE that they were the losing team.  Gretchen tried to keep her ass out of the flames by convincing everyone not to name names, and then promptly hurled anyone she could reach onto the third rail during the judging.  The duchess and Nina weren’t buying what she was selling, thank God.  And then…then…well, we will talk about that later.

    Team “Island of Misfit Toys” chose military and lace.  WIth a group including April, Cassanova, Mondo, and Peach, you worried that the only thing military would be the National Guard called in to clean up after the train wreck.  But they pulled it off.  Cassanova winning the challenge after the mother of all hissy fits with this

    Tim thought it was matronly.  I thought it was great.  But then again, I have moved into a new demographic.

    I have other issues with Tim this episode, but let’s see another popular winning design

    Good on you Peach!  Though I wasn’t a huge fan, it was nice to see her get something other than negative attention.

    One last example

    I have to say I felt that they didn’t win so much as they managed not to lose.  These garments weren’t blazing any trails, but they got them all through and gave us the most entertaining looser runway in seasons.  Thanks guys, you made it all worth it.

    Now onto Mr. Gunn.  At first I was ecstatic that he called out Gretchen after the judging was complete:

    I have a few words for Team Luxe.  I fundamentally do not understand your behavior and demeanor and affect on the runway.  I don’t get it.  I don’t know why you let Gretchen to manipulate control and bully you.  I don’t understand it.  And AJ, you’ve taken the bullet.  And now I have to send you to the workroom to clean up your space!

    My King Arthur was pissed.  And I don’t think he handled it properly.

    Now, before you start saying, “…it was true, it was what needed to be said…”  Yes, perhaps it was.  But he is there to mentor the designers, not just the designers that he likes.  By calling her out in public he has lost her trust, and now she will be at a disadvantage in upcoming challenges.  And we aren’t just talking about a good grade at stake here people, we are talking about a life changing opportunity.

    And is it Gretchen’s fault that the other designers are sheep?  Not one of them was willing to fight for what they wanted.  Would it have made a difference?, maybe not.  But to a certain extent they wanted to let Gretchen dominate.  It wouldn’t take long for the judges to figure out who was the defacto leader, and they were more than willing to let Gretchen take the heat or the credit.

    True, she might not give a sh*t and just plug along like nothing happened.  In her comments she was upset at what he said, but took no responsibility for her over bearing ways.

    My brother in law is a studio teacher, and he said that sometimes you just have to do that.  But all I can go on is what the editors show me, and it didn’t seem like this was something Tim Gunn had been concerned about earlier.  As far as I know he didn’t take Gretchen or any of her team mates aside and talk to them about his concerns.  That would have been the way to start, and if she wouldn’t change, perhaps a public lashing would be warranted.

    This whole thing just didn’t sit right with me, even though I have to admit, I enjoyed it.  Oh yes, I enjoyed it.

    Happy now Kelly?

    I won’t say much about the last two episodes other than to celebrate that the Perv was sent home.

    Tim Gunn had a vocabulary issue!  It is an expedition to Mood, not an exposition.  I will let this one slide only because I still occasionally call my friend Kandy, Cindy, for no apparent reason.  We are all human.

    Hallelujah!!  I didn’t have to scream in disbelief at my screen!  The judges got it right, no matter what the other contestants think.

    The challenge:  create a look to compliment the most AMAZING Philip Treacy hats!  I love hats and these were so…there are no words.  And I am not usually a gusher.

    Peach had the best hat and phoned in the most ordinary, you guessed it, pink dress.  Cassanova showed that Dynasty refuses to die.  And Gretchen got all dolled up, remembering at long last that this whole to-do will be televised.  It was in vain, however, as she wasn’t even on the runway for the top or bottom.

    The bottom

    There were three in the bottom but only two that were ever in any real danger: the diaper and the deconstructed.

    So we will start with Christopher, who everyone thought was going to win.

    I won’t lie, I liked the jacket.  But I didn’t gush over it the way everyone in the work room did.  The contestants thought he was a lock for winner, and then their jaws hit the floor when they found out he was in the bottom.

    The colors were safe, and the leggings/skirt were a mess.  Something more sleek would have worked better with the hat, but I thought this was a solid middle of the pack piece.

    A side note about styling.  The judges seem to suddenly spend a lot more time picking on the designers about their accessory choices.  This could be because they have more time to work with, or because the people who own the “wall” this year asked them to talk more about the shoes.  Either way I feel they are cobbling the designers.  In talking to my sister I learned that PiperLime is an extension of the Gap, or some other obviously “non designer” group.  Would you want to accessorize your couture dress with shoes from the Old Navy?  No, me either.  If the judges are going to work the accessories into the final result, you need to have the proper tools to work with.  Where is Blue Fly?

    A side note about my side note.  Ever since Nina switched to Marie Claire, the whole show has gotten less edgy.  Now they talk about hanger appeal.  In the beginning being called “wearable” was the kiss of death.  Now it gets you into the top three.  C’mon guys, a lot of these contestants already work in ready to wear!  Let’s get them to open up their bags of crazy and give us something to write about.

    The diaper:

    Okay, maybe wearability should count for something.  Oh April, really?  I could see where she was trying to go, and really liked the concept.  But you can’t make an ill-fitting pair of shorts that looks like an adult incontinence aid.  Or at least you shouldn’t.  She stayed because for once, the judges agreed with me.  You have to keep around the girl that reached for something and missed, as opposed the one that just did this:

    Deconstructed

    This is a perfect example of a hot mess.  Kristin was going for “love”, to me it read more like teenage back-seat sex.  Black and shiny shows every seaming mistake.  The pink was too hot, the skirt looked like the terrors pinned it together.

    Poor thing, she had the most difficult hat to work with.  It was very literal compared to the others.  But she tanked this.  I was hoping she would do a wedding dress.  Not a traditional white lacy thing, but  some kind of garden party wedding dress.  It could have been fantastic.  But I guess you aren’t supposed to make a wedding dress unless they ask for one.

    They sent her and her wooly animal balls home.  It was time.  So much for my audition tape predictions.

    The top three were Valerie (aka “the Bridesmaid), Michael, and Rerun.

    Always a Bridesmade…

    This was my least favorite of the top three.  Granted, her point about not wanting to be too costumy with the mask is well taken.  But this is daytime.  Who would wear that hat in the day?  The racer back was unexpected, but certainly a red dress is expected with a black mask, or is that just me?  The Thriller zipper jacket went well with the mask…wasn’t Mr. Jackson a fan?  retching noises

    Michael

    Bravo for not going Asian with this fortune cookie hat!  But I still didn’t really like it.  The top looked like a cardboard craft project.  And I didn’t like the sharp edges of the sleeve/collar against the curves of the hat.  But the back was butter.  Butter!  The skirt was the perfect color, even if I thought is was a little too flowy.

    Rerun

    It was obvious that this was Philip Treacy’s favorite.  Rerun nailed the color.  Nailed it.  The design was a lesser Romy piece, but worked with the hat.  When it came out I realized that it was my favorite, despite the fact that it needed less volume in the skirt.  Sometimes things just work.

    The contestants were blown away that this lesser designer won.  First of all, get over yourselves.  Especially you, Gretchen, yes you.  Let the boy enjoy his win.  Unless something drastic happens, he won’t be at Bryant park, so let him cry tears of joy.  Soon enough he will be weeping while cleaning up his work space.

    Congratulations, Rerun.  Well done.

    Sorry I missed the last two episodes.  My lack of determination is further highlighted by the fact that my brother watched/blogged during his honeymoon.  I am a true slacker.  You have to read the one about the holy man…the last line is still cracking me up.

    Houston, We Have a Hooker Outfit…

    Before I dig into the “fashions” we saw last night, let’s take a look at the new format, shall we?

    I worried that 90 minutes would be too long, but with time shifting and no commercials, it was just right.  It wasn’t just the top and bottom in the “let’s get to know them” confessional sessions.  The pace for the designers may have been blistering, but I felt like my view of it was paced just right.  What will happen as there are fewer and fewer designers…well, we’ll just have to wait and see.

    The show started with everyone meeting up in odd locales, then coming together to meet Tim and Heidi.

    I hate Heidi’s hair.  She looks messy, she works better sleek.  Tim is elegance as always.

    They drop the bomb that tonight is the final audition for the show.  At least one person will go home, possibly more (play ominous music here).  Okay, first of all, this was not the final audition for the show.  Basically the entire season is an audition for Bryant Park.  If they hadn’t filmed and showed this, then it would be an audition.  I guess the producers thought “as long as you never officially unpack at Atlas, you aren’t really a contestant.”  Well, producers, once again you are wrong.

    Wrong doesn’t even begin to describe what happened with the judges, but I will get to that in a minute.

    Bags in hand, they were told to take a piece from their own wardrobe to use in a look.  Then they made them all pass that piece to the right.  Poor Cassanova had pulled out his spankin’new D&G pants.  He almost fainted on the spot.  Although I think Ivy got the shortest end of the stick…Peach’s black and white toile pants.  There were some scarves, some shirts, some jackets and a kimono.  Why are the designers always wearing such ridiculous clothes?  Does not inspire confidence.

    The usual mayhem ensued, yadda yadda yadda.  Other than Jason (known from now on as The Perv) being the biggest skank in the universe, there wasn’t too much of interest.  When The Perv went on and on about his model’s boobs and how they’re “right there” I threw up a little in my mouth.  Way to show your professionalism, buddy.  And who the hell picks a bowler hat as their substitute mohawk?  I can’t think of enough awful things to say about him.  Oh wait, I can.  His design, and I use that term grudgingly, was such a hot mess the sun took the afternoon off.


    He took a lovely kimono and the 5 yards of fabric it afforded him and….wait for it…put it on his model backwards.  Yes ladies and gentlemen, that was his design.  Sorry…I forgot, he also cut a hole in one of the sleeves and put the model’s head through it.  But that didn’t work out so well, so he dropped it.  Then he stapled the mess together and sent it down the runway.  STAPLES!  retching noises

    Cassanova, still reeling from the destruction of his $1,700 pants, has the distinction of showing this season’s first lady-of-the evening wear.


    Sluts were blushing at the sight of this “garment”.  There is a fine line between JLo’s Versace dress from the Grammies and this, and though I can’t tell you where that line is, he crossed it.  Perhaps it is the nude color.  Perhaps it is that her black thong was showing.  Or perhaps Cassanova’s “slow English” meant he thought they were designing for Carnivale.  Whatever the reason, this shows the most glaring lack of taste in a first outfit I ever remember seeing.

    Ivy missed the innovation bus as well.  She took her toile pants and made…wait for it


    …toile pants!  Her defense was that she went for detail…look at the detail on the sides.  No thanks.  If I have to use a microscope to find your design, there is no design.  They thought her shirt looked like it went through a paper shredder.  I didn’t think it was that bad.  But you can’t make pants out of pants and expect to stay long.

    However, stay they did.  These guys get through and they sent poor Utah with Dreads Girl home.


    Granted, her dress was ill fitting and tasteless, but at least she made something original from the materials.  The skirt was too short and too voluminous, and side cleavage is never a hit with me.  However, this was not the worst garment out there.  Once again the judges miss the mark.

    Speaking of the judges, I will let the winning outfit speak for itself.


    pr8-ep1-gretchen-b.jpg


    In case you have your computer muted, it is saying “THE JUDGES HAVE FINALLY LOST THEIR F*CKING MINDS!!”

    They were wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.  Not only because I can think of at least three outfits that were leaps and bounds better, but also because I would have put this in the BOTTOM of the pack.  Yet they went out of their way to say that this was one of the most unanimous decisions they could remember.  Boo

    Where do I start?  I wasn’t a big fan of the waterfall hem in the 80’s, when they were cool.  Certainly not a fan of them now.  Also disturbing were the epillette cap sleeves, which were uneven and attached in the back by some kind of sheer fabric panel that had no other purpose than to make me say to myself “why is there a sheer panel barely attached to this dress, it makes no sense!”  The whole thing was so boring and last century that I dismissed it the second I saw it.  But this wins.

    There was one that I thought should clearly win, and that was Andy.


    He did all of this in 5 hours, and it was perfect.  He shouldn’t have gone all black, I think that was too safe.  He should have chosen either the rice paddy hat or the chopsticks.  And he is going to have to tone down how themey it is.  But the fact that he could do something this intricate, this thoughtful and this well executed in 5 hours showed me that he’s the man to beat.

    I don’t know what to do about these judges.  They started going wonky last year and if this episode is an indication of what’s to come, I see a lot of shouting at my TV in my future.  If these are the people steering my fashion destiny, it’s no wonder I can never find anything to wear.

    This is America, and This is Our Cheese…

    Okay, seriously Lifetime?  An ad before EVERY segment I watch on the new designers!?  You can’t have some mercy and maybe do every third segment like Yahoo! music!?  You make being a fan of this show very, very hard.

    They ran the same five ads over and over and over again.  So while my brain is still trying to wrestle the jingles out of my consciousness, I will give you the low down on PR season 8!

    Can you smell the burn of the overtaxed sewing machines?  Can you hear the b*tchy banter?  Can’t you almost taste the panic in the air?  Please welcome the “designers” for season 8:

    There are few surprises in this group.  There are the usual industry hacks, a costume designer, a housewife from Lake Forest (representin’ Il!), and a landscape designer.  I refuse to make a snarky comment about that being a lawn mower on steroids b/c I love my cousin Matthew.  There are a few kooks as usual, but it would appear that there isn’t even one token straight guy this season.

    We have two designers from the St Louis area and two from Hawaii.  No out of towners, well, except for the gentleman named “Cassanova” (bleck) who is, in his words, “slow in English”.  Well, baby, you had better be fast in sewing.

    Michael (aka: Rerun) and Jason, who apparently never learned to annunciate, both finally made the cut after trying out for season’s past.  One girl, Sarah, made it through with a collection whose theme was “I’m kinda weird.”  I thought it should be “these kinda suck” but nobody asks me.

    Ah, I’m out of Wheat Thins…my life is officially over

    Sorry, but I felt I should include a commercial interruption since they were such an integral part of my experience…

    There was the goth bondage girl, April, who doesn’t look promising. Ivy had a blood spatter inspired print in her collection: sexy if you’re Ted Bundy.  Found objects were part of A.J.‘s theme, and plastics dominated the other Michael’s offerings.  Gretchen dyes all her organic fabrics herself, and made velvet harem trousers.  Yuck.  At least she can compost them.

    Nick is a Twihard and if that weren’t enough to make me like him he had the cutest reaction to being cast:  “I’m here all alone and there’s no one to hug!”  Cutie pie.

    There was a list of snoozers.  Peach made clothes you would imagine a 50 year old named Peach would make.  They had polka dots and rhinestones and would be too young for my 12 year old niece.  In her closet tour she pulled out a pair of pink pants with Izod alligators embroidered all over them.  This is someone you want designing for you?  NOT!

    Continuing in the snoozer vein, Christopher had cool fabric choices but the clothes were so basic I’ve already forgotten them. McKell is too out there, she lives in Utah and has white-girl dreads.  Despite a personal edginess, her clothes were too printy and too shapeless.  Someday people will learn that “kookie” is not a point of view.

    Mondo, who wins for best name, can sew like nobody’s business, but has a serious taste deficit.  It was over designed fabulous fifties wear.  And Valerie made a gorgeous coat, but most of her work consists of strange belts and vests and accessories that look like futuristic bondage.  Do I smell a producer with a fetish?

    Cedar Pointe:  the Fun & Only…

    I just can’t shake the damn jingles!

    People who are promising… it is almost impossible to tell yet, but here are the designers I wanted to see more from:

    Kristin (aka: the Professor).   Her head shot makes her look like a fan of the funny cigarette.  But there was something about the pieces she showed.  She was innovative without being too bizzah.

    Ivy was one of my favorites.  True, she had the over-done Samuri theme, and she was the blood spatter chick.  But her pieces in the “before Runway” segment are understated and elegant and I would wear them in a heartbeat.

    I guess my front runner would have to be Andy.  In his casting segment he pulled out the most sinful ombre silk dress.  I want it NOW!  His tailoring is out of this world and it looks like he is the MacGyver of fashion construction.  If they were deciding the winner off the audition collections, there wouldn’t even be a contest.  However, my concern is that he will be a slowpoke, undone by the unnecessary PR time constraints.  Only time will tell.

    So there you have it, folks:  a spanking new season and cast.

    Here’s hoping for amazing fashion, epic fails, and huge egos!